Editor’s Note: Sometimes, we post things anonymously. This is one of those times.
By Anonymous Mom
I am a pretty private person. Though I am active on a variety of social media sites, it tends to be more fun items and re-posts of interesting articles – not personal life information.
Nothing showcases this more than how I’ve handled my pregnancies.
We were not one of the lucky couples that get pregnant at the mere thought of having a child and ditching birth control. No, it was much more involved than that. Three years plus extensive (not to mention expensive) medical intervention finally resulted in a healthy pregnancy. During those years, our social media accounts were full of posts from others about babies, kids, pregnancy announcements, ultrasounds … you name it. While we were happy for our friends and family, each new announcement stung.
As a result, when we did succeed in getting pregnant, I kept it off social media until our baby was born. I put up a post welcoming our baby to the world and a little photo. Since then, I’ve posted only a handful of photos overall. One of the reasons was that I did not want to cause others we knew with infertility issues any additional pain with pregnancy updates and photos. (I do realize that the birth announcement itself and sparingly posted future photos may have been difficult and I did struggle with that decision. However, it was a compromise to keep people in the loop without sharing too often.)
We knew that we would like to, if able, have more than one child. We both grew up with siblings and enjoyed that camaraderie (even when they got on our nerves). Imagine our surprise when I got pregnant without any sort of intervention! I was shocked (and so was my husband) – and we felt very blessed. But something else I was not expecting happened – guilt. I knew others who were struggling and did not want to cause them additional pain by discussing my pregnancy or seeing the progress. I felt guilty towards these women that it happened without needing any help getting there. Therefore, no posts on social media occurred for pregnancy number two, either.
I’ve talked with others that have gone through infertility about social media and the response seems to be mixed. Not everyone has difficulty with the posts about pregnancy and children. I do not feel that everyone should post less; this is merely my experience and decision.
To my sisters in the trenches: I remember what it feels like every month to not get a positive result for years. I remember clearly the many doctors’ appointments, tests, long drives to out-of-town specialists, expensive medications, and – most of all – the emotional pain. You are not alone.