Credit: Morguefile
By Amy L. Hatch
As is the way in a college town, our regular babysitter left this semester for a student-teaching stint in Chicago and we were left without a reliable, available person to watch the kids.
Even though we no longer have a “full-time” sitter, we often find ourselves in the position of two people needing to be in three places (which is, incidentally, the subtitle of my autobiography). Those are the times I miss my extended family the most. Not having someone you can call on at the last minute can make the logistics of parenting a lot harder.
Erica was our go-to gal when we needed someone to hang out with the kids or pick someone up from school, et cetera, et cetera. As her schedule slowly got tighter, we knew we’d have to start looking for a new sitter, and then came the death blow—she up and left town.
Fortunately, the flip side of living in a college town is that there are plenty of new recruits looking for work when the semesters turn over. I posted an ad on the UIUC Virtual Job Board and found myself with an avalanche of candidates to choose from. Students majoring in child development, education, psychology, students who had years and years of child-care experience…it was the motherlode of babysitters—including some male candidates.
Here’s where I confess that apparently I’m a closet chauvanist. I didn’t interview a single male applicant.
Now, that may be because the first few women who sent their information to me were excellent candidates. They all had extensive child-care experience, they all had fairly open schedules, they were all studying in a field about or related to children and they all had their own cars.
Or it may be because the idea of hiring a man to watch my son and daughter freaked me out on some level I didn’t even know existed in my psyche. Apparently, it does, however, and it makes me nervous to consider a male candidate.
Which is stupid, right? Several of my babysitters as a kid were guys, and it made for a different energy, not bad, not better, but different. We were always perfectly happy and safe.
So why do I feel this way?
I’m sure it has something to do with societal perceptions and the news about child abuse in the media. We so often hear about men hurting kids, when there are plenty of women out there who don’t hesitate to prey on children.
I happened to have found two great sitters in the first two applicants, who also happen to be women. We’re giving each of them a try-out soon, and I’m hopeful that they will both be a good fit.
But I’ll hang on to the other names and contact information, just in case—even, I think, the guys.
Would you hire a male babysitter? Why or why not?
If it was somebody that I knew, then certainly.
One of our two go-to sitters is a male and we love him. The kids adore him too! He also happens to be the son of a teaching colleague so that helps.
Our go-to babysitter is great UIUC college student who we met when he worked as a counselor for my boys at the summer camp they attend. When my boys asked if he could babysit for them (they had heard he babysit for other kids) my initial response was definitely a big “no”! However, we were so lucky to get to know our babysitter over the course of the summer (and learn that he was CPR/First Aid certified and had worked at the same camp for 4 summers)! He has been our go-to guy for 1.5 years and our boys love it!
We have 3 boys and our favorite sitter was a guy. It was great for us. When he left for the Naval Academy, we were so happy for him but so sad to see him go!
Every time I’ve gone looking for babysitters for our two daughters on the Virtual Job Board (an excellent resource!), there are always a handful of applicants with NO childcare experience who seem to have applied on the basis of “I like kids. How hard can the job be?” and I promptly weed them out. In many years of hiring babysitters, the male candidates have ALL been in that category, and I was always sort of relieved not to have to face up to my prejudices. But I can’t come up with a good reason why a college lad with an interest in kids and experience in working with them couldn’t do the job, and I’d certainly consider hiring a male sitter who came with a vigorous recommendation from someone I knew.
It is a very common issue but it can hurt young boys and girls the other way as well. I do think you need to test them out differently and it does matter what kind of kid you have. I have a boys boy and have found a really great guy sitter. He not only wrestles and plays sports with him, but he is also teaching him how to be helpful around the house and show me respect. At 10, that is priceless since dad no longer lives in our house. (He is around plenty though.)
On the other hand… I’ve been the guy. On and off throughout high school, I volunteered in the toddler nursery where I went to church growing up (before such things started to get more semi-professional). I babysat for the kids of several family friends or neighbors.
But I also lost at least one gig specifically because the family — the mom was the youngest daughter of one of my mom’s friends, and younger sister of a family I sat for semi-regularly — only hired girl babysitters. Didn’t matter that her niece & nephew both really liked me.
I primarily hired female babysitters at first and was nervous as well. When I had my son, it did make me reconsider. I have two great male babysitters that I use when needed (they are brothers-it helps I can call the house and have 4 possible sitters).
BUT I’ve known them for 12 years. (not necessary, but helpful). I’ve known the entire family that long. I think any sitter, male or female, should be checked, references, etc. Most of all, parents need to follow their instincts.
We’ve had a guy sitter, and the boys Loved Him. Totally different energy and vibe, but wonderful.
I suspect parents of girls in Urbana (maybe Champaign, too) are more sensitive because of the high-profile case of the male elementary teacher abusing young girls a few years ago. If Amy had only boys, she might be more excited about male babysitters.
It is a lot harder to find guys who have experience and interest in doing good child care–just think about how many male preschool teachers you’ve ever met…
I am an 18 year old male and I have been babysitting for many years. I am straight, I only like girls (that are my age if course) and I think that it is unfair to rule out guys as sitters simply because they are guys. I have watched boys and girls from age 3-16 (didn’t really babysit the 16 year old, just her younger brothers who wouldn’t really listen to her) so technically the oldest kid I have watched was an 11 year old girl.
I am great with kids and every time I go to a families house the kids are always happy to see me. I have actually had kids tell me they like me more then their female sitters because I am a lot more active and fun with them and way less strict. While no I don’t paint finger nails or braid hair, I do other fun things that female sitters probably wouldn’t do.
And something you might find interesting is that I’m black (half way anyways) and all the families I have babysat for are white. Just thought I’d throw that out there.
Also I forgot to mention that I have only babysat for families with just boys, or both boys and girls, never just girls.
Personally I think a family of solely girls is better watched by another girl just because when girls don’t have brothers they tend to be “girly girls” and personally I don’t think I could relate very well with them.
I could see some exceptions to this though, especially if it is a single mom and the little girls don’t have any male role-models in their lives.
Yes I would have a male be our babysitter. When my oldest son was an only child his regular babysitter was a teenage male who lived down the street whom I’d known for several years. Since I got married 5 years ago we haven’t gone out much. Mostly it’s when we’re visiting family or they’re visiting us but if I found someone near us who was qualified and willing to babysit my 3 children, regardless of sex, I would be so excited.
I find the whole issue odd. In a time when we expect dads and grandpas to do more kid-wise than even just a few decades ago, this many people still wouldn’t hire a male babysitter?! What kind of message does that send to our own sons? So many people get upset over girls being discouraged from things simply because they are female and I just don’t understand how this is different. I had a male babysitter when I was little (in the 80s nonetheless) and he grew up to become a teacher.
Females are just as capable, sadly, of child abuse. Susan Smith, Casey Anthony, Mary Kay Letourneau, Rhonda Eisenberg…..those are just off the top of my head. The list is LONG.
Where do you draw the line? Do you also search for only female doctors, dentists, teachers, therapists?
I am a teenage girl who babysits. I also work in my churches nursery where I work with a couple of teen boys. They are great with the kids and the toddlers really seen to like them. On the other hand I would not feel comfortable leaving my two little sisters with a male babysitter who I did not know really well. Personally, as a girl I only had female babysitters and I thought that was good. I am kind of shy and warm up to most females a lot faster than males. Also, you can’t ignore the fact that many more males abuse children(especially girls) than females. If I ever become a mom to girls I will always use female babysitters for them. If I have boys I might consider a male babysitter.
“Also, you can’t ignore the fact that many more males abuse children(especially girls) than females.” [citation needed]
Several years ago one of the families in our neighborhood had their daughter molested by a male babysitter. A lot of families were sickened and terrified about it for months. After enough time passed everyone healed and life continued. We have 3 young toddler boys (1 pair of twins) and needed a babysitter 2 months ago. One of the babysitters came highly recommended to us from a neighbor that used him and knew him for almost 10 years and had babysat their children for a few years. My husband was against it but agreed because I insisted on it.
All I can say is thank GOD he had a nanny cam. The babysitter molested all my boys and inserted disgusting objects into the oldest. We couldn’t believe what we were seeing!! It was all I could do to keep my husband from walking over and killing the babysitter. The police investigated and interviewed all the kids he babysat and found he abused 5 other families over the years!!!! Our neighborhood is back in disbelief and my husband and I are moving the hell out of here this summer. My oldest son is confused and still asks questions even though it happened months ago. We will NEVER trust a male babysitter again.
If you decide you want a male babysitter, MAKE SURE YOU BUY NANNY CAMERAS!!!! No matter how good the recommendations are and how much you trust them, PLEASE PLEASE for the sake of YOUR CHILD, get SOMETHING to monitor them!!!! If we didn’t do this, he would probably still be babysitting our boys and other kids in the neighborhood.