This week the Chambanamoms posted this hot button topic on their Facebook page:
As I read their question, my muffin-top popped over the waist of my Spanx and black work pants. I thought to myself, “Post-baby body! Ha! I hate my pre-baby body!”
I don’t have the nerve to comment on Facebook, but I do feel an obligation to all the other wannabemoms out there to write about my feelings. I know I can’t be the only one feeling down and out about what infertility does to a girl–and her body.
Two years ago, I was fit and trim. I exercised regularly. I made good choices at mealtimes. I was an all-around healthy 20-something. I thought I would get pregnant, gain the recommended 25-35 pounds, pop out a baby and walk out of the hospital in skinny jeans.
Two years ago I. Was. Delusional.
After years of trying to conceive and way too many unsuccessful infertility treatments, I’m left despising my physique. My pants are two sizes larger. My face looks puffy. My mid-section looks like I’m halfway through my second trimester. When I look in the mirror, I’m disgusted.
In a nutshell, I hate my pre-baby body.
It would be easy to blame the fertility drugs. I do think they play some role in my big, bad body-transformation. But, part of this weight-gain is my fault too.
When I’m trying to conceive—trying hard with fertility drugs and infertility treatments–I’m sad more than I’m happy. I’m tired—drained physically and mentally.
When I finally get home at night, I want to throw oversized sweats over my swollen belly. I want to eat something warm and comforting. I want to collapse into bed, cuddle with my hubby and sleep the night away.
I don’t want to put on tight yoga pants. I don’t want to eat steamed vegetables and lean protein. I don’t want to go to the gym.
Let me wipe-off all the sugar-coating for you–I want to be lazy and feel sorry for myself.
If you love me, you won’t judge.
All sarcasm aside—I know I need to get off my duff. I know I need to take control of my body and mind—and my crappy attitude. It’s easier said than done though. For me, it’s much easier to just buy bigger pants.
Please tell me I’m not alone. Anyone else hating their pre-baby body while trying to conceive?
I hope those thoughts fade away when we finally DO get pregnant. I hope we’ll embrace our extra
fat cells curves just as we’ll embrace our pregnancies.
For now—and from this point forward–I’m going to try to turn it around. I’ll do my best to eat right, practice my yoga–and suck it all in.
But I’m not changing out of my sweats.