Credit: elleinad, Flickr

By Amy L. Hatch

I am terrible at keeping my New Year’s resolutions.

Every year I resolve to eat better, exercise and floss my teeth. I vow to get organized, wear makeup every day and cook healthy meals I can stick in the freezer and pull out, Houdini-like, to serve to my waiting family members all seated calmly in their seats at the dinner table.

Yeah. None of that ever happens.

Last year was no different. In 2011, I resolved to be present in my life, to stop thinking of what comes next and what happened last. I failed miserably. The past 12 months have been very challenging, in fact.

I spent more time than I care to admit glued to my laptop screen. My smart phone was attached to my hand and every chance I got I compulsively checked my email to make sure I wasn’t missing some command from some distant master.

Such is the life of a modern freelance worker. Far-flung clients and limited face time create an anxiety that never surfaced back when I was a cheeks-in-a-seat cubicle dweller in Corporate America. Striking out on my own as a writer, editor and social-media consultant for hire (and, of course, co-founding chambanamoms) has been mostly exhilarating–and sometimes, crazy-making.

And you know what? Even if I did spend my daylight hours in a traditional office with my manager down the hall, there is still a level of uncertainty that never touched my dad, who was a company man if ever there was one. He worked at his company for 35 years!

Today, that’s unimaginable.

All this to say that I was not present in 2011. Not for my family and not for my friends. And you know what?

I’m here to tell you, it sucked.

I was stressed out, I didn’t feel well physically and my kids definitely got the brunt of it. I’d sit on the floor to play with them, but I’d have my laptop next to me while I moved cars and trucks or dolls. More than once my son pushed my computer closed and said, “Mommy, no computer! Turn it off!”

Mother of Year over here.

This year I also turned 40. And with that unprecedented number came a new and uncomfortable proximity to my own mortality. I began to wrinkle, my joints ached and I found hairs in places ladies shouldn’t have them.

Now, at the very tail end of 2011, I look at my newly minted children and think about how the time is so very fleeting. I’ve said before how I understand intellectually that these days are are like water running through my fingers.

Now, I understand that with my heart, as well.

In 2012, I am going to stop saying, “In a minute.” I am going to sit on the floor with all of my electronic devices silent and sleeping while I play Sorry and Hungry, Hungry Hippos.

I will visit my mother more. I will talk to my friends on the phone and go out with the girls for drinks and dinner. I will kiss my husband in the kitchen while we do the dishes.

I will fret less and frolic more.

I have a new slate, and so do you. What will you write on yours this new year?

Amy L. Hatch is a co-founder and editor of chambanamoms.com, and she really does need to floss more. She can be reached at amy@chambanamoms.com.

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By Celina Trujillo

I remember reading an article from eight years ago about the so-called “Opt Out Revolution.“  My master’s thesis that I wrote the summer later sought to shed more light on the topic from college students’ perspectives. At the time, even though I wasn’t yet married, the question was frequently on my mind: “Would I leave the work force when I had little ones?” No. Not me. Or so I thought.

I recently resigned my dream job after being employed there for almost two years. It was the first job I got after I finished my Ph.D. and has been the only job I’ve ever wanted. I still can’t imagine doing anything else for pay except this job. Given recent circumstances, however, it is no longer the ideal fit for me that it once was.

While it seemed so perfect just a few years ago, the rat race isn't right for Celina Trujillo or her family now. Credit: Flickr, asplosh

My kids need me more than ever, and I, too, want to be a bigger part of their lives. There just simply is no way to do this in my current position. I felt like I was giving it my all at work, which, to a certain, extent I really enjoyed. Personal satisfaction and a sense of accomplishment of doing a good job are huge benefits for my being employed. Thankfully DH has always been supportive of my educational and professional pursuits, as lofty has they have been and despite the sacrifices he has had to make while I go full-speed ahead.

But there comes a point when such benefits do not outweigh the costs of being employed, as backwards as that sounds. I have been shouldering a lot of responsibility at work, which I felt was under-appreciated (or at least differently appreciated than they way I want to be appreciated). Raises, future earning power, upward mobility and promotions (even if promised, which they aren’t) that an employer can offer for a job well-done really have minimal value to me. So while I got a relatively good raise, it did not compensate (and no amount allowed in the budget ever could compensate) the cost to me and my family of my being employed. I was also expected to take on more responsibility at work. When? How? I most certainly would have to take time and energy away from my family, which I couldn’t do and be the mom and wife I want to be.

In the end, I just want to know that I can make a difference. Despite lacking skill, experience, training and patience, I’m fairly confident that I’ll be able to make a difference in my family’s life while homeschooling. All I need is an “I love you,” every once in a while and I’m set! DH sent me a message right after I resigned saying that he was proud of me and my just heart melted.

I also recently went to a lecture on this book “Glass Ceilings and 100-Hours Couples” (I know, perfect timing, right?) and the authors said no mother they interviewed who opted out regretted it (yet). I, as well, doubt I’ll regret spending more time with my kids, though I might more frequently need an alcoholic beverage. When I again decide to  re-engage in the work wars, I’m fairly certain that my time out will translate into lower status and earning potential in the long-run, but I’m willing to take those hits and resulting battle wounds. At this point, I surrender and just want peace.

Celina Trujillo has lived in Urbana since 1998 when she started attending the University of Illinois. Three degrees and one job later, she recently decided to put it all on hold to start homeschooling and homemaking full-time. Her blog, Squawks of a Mama Bird, records the learning process of this unexpected new adventure for her family.

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by Amy L. Hatch

I’ve long been a subscriber to the theory that you can’t be perfect.

Some would say that’s the lazy woman’s way out, a good rationale for not vacuuming or for taking the path of least resistance in life. But for me, what it has really meant is knowing when to cry “Uncle.”

That’s why “Good Enough Is the New Perfect: Finding Happiness and Success In Modern Motherhood” resonates so deeply with me. This wonderful, smart book by Becky Beaupre Gillespie and Hollee Schwartz Temple made me feel that much less alone on this imperfect path I’ve chosen as both a mom and a professional.

Hollee and Becky (who will be joining us tomorrow evening for our “Good Enough Is The New Perfect Mom’s Night Out“) are both driven, intellectual powerhouses: Becky is an investigative journalist and Hollee is a lawyer and law professor, and they brought all of their skills to bear in this book.

Their original, ground-breaking research reveals a new paradigm emerging in modern motherhood, one that resonates deeply for me, and, I think, lots of other women.

Based on exclusive data, more than 100 in-depth interviews, and the latest research, Good Enough Is the New Perfect builds on the growing “anti-perfection parenting” movement.

More and more women are tossing their Never Enough attitudes aside and embracing a Good Enough mindset. While it may be a messier reality, Becky and Hollee show that Good Enoughs are often happier — and more successful in their professional lives.

Written with a highly personal, engaging voice, the book tells the real and inspiring stories of moms (including the authors themselves) who reached their own breaking points when it came to striving for perfection. What they found when they released that self-expectation was that they were actually able to achieve more — and with balance.

When my daughter was born, I fretted for four long months over whether or not to leave my high-paying but terribly unfulfilling corporate job as a marketing manager for a Fortune 100 company. The job came with a lovely salary, but was slowly sucking the soul out of me.

I never planned to be a stay-at-home mom, but suddenly, that was all I wanted. I couldn’t bear leaving my child behind each day for work that paid for my fancy apartment but left me longing for the scent of my newborn’s skin.

So, after long talks with my husband (and his full support), I left that behind. The day I resigned was one of the happiest of my life. Fast-forward six years and I find myself on a path of my own making, as a entrepreneur, social media consultant and freelance writer and editor.

It is a path I never could have imagined, one that didn’t fit into my notion of what a perfect life would look like. There is little job security in what I do, but there is a tremendous amount of freedom and fun. I can be with my children when I choose and I also feel very, very good about the work I do.

I am satisfied.

My carpets are often dirty and dinner sometimes comes from a box or a bag, but we are perfectly imperfect.

I was lucky enough to be a first reader for Becky and Hollee’s book, and I am here to tell you that if you read it, you will either feel less alone and validated — or, if you are struggling with the burden of perfection, you will find in its pages the permission you need to lay that burden down.

We’re thrilled to be hosting Becky and Hollee tomorrow night, Wednesday, April 27, from 7 to 9 p.m. at Class Act, 114 S. Neil St. Join us for food and a cash bar from Boltini and free copies of “Good Enough Is The New Perfect” for the first 100 guests. We’d like thank to Tim Noice and Terri Wetzel, associates at Chesser Financial in Champaign, for their generous sponsorship and making this evening possible. RSVP on Facebook and don’t miss this great get-together!

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Editor’s Note: This is the second in a series of four posts by the authors of “Good Enough Is The New Perfect: Finding Happiness and Success in Modern Motherhood,” Becky Beaupre Gillespie and Hollee Schwartz Temple.

Becky and Hollee will be joining us for a special chambanamoms.com event, from 7 to 9 p.m. on Wednesday, April 27, at Class Act in downtown Champaign. Please join us for the “Good Enough is the New Perfect Mom’s Night Out” presented by Tim Noice and Terri Wetzel, associates at Chesser Financial.

We’ll have food, fun and girl talk, along with remarks from the authors on achieving that elusive goal — work/life balance — and the first 100 guests will receive a free copy of “Good Enough Is The New Perfect: Finding Happiness and Success in Modern Motherhood.” Mark your calendars!

_____________

Welcome to The New Mommy Wars

Becky and her girls. Credit: Susan Ryan Photography

by Becky Beaupre Gillespie and Hollee Schwartz Temple

Categories are a big issue for the women of our generation. Many of us entered motherhood thinking it would be easy to stick ourselves — and the women around us — into groups with neat little labels.

“I’m a working mom. She’s a stay-at-home mom.”

The problem, of course, is that a lot of gray area has emerged in recent years. A lot of the women we interviewed for Good Enough Is the New Perfect: Finding Happiness and Success in Modern Motherhood (Harlequin Nonfiction, April 2011) failed to identify with a specific category, often because they were straddling two worlds at once. (“I’m a part-time pediatrician, part-time stay-at-home mom,” one woman told us.) Some women identified with a label, then bristled when others tried to claim it, too. “She’s not really a working mom,” one woman told us about a friend. “She works from home.”

But none of this was as heartbreaking as the phrase we heard over and over and over again in interviews: “I feel so alone.”

Courtesy of Hollee Schwartz Temple

We heard it from moms who worked part time in offices, and from moms who worked full time at home. We heard it from executives, and entrepreneurs, and lawyers. Repeatedly, women told us that they felt misunderstood or alone in their challenges, as if they were navigating a path that nobody else had chosen. (“I’m the only mom in this town who works,” several women told Becky. Funny thing was, these women all lived in the same town.)

In some ways, it isn’t surprising that it’s come to this. For years, we’d been hearing all about those Mommy Wars, the ones between “working moms” and “stay-at-home moms.” When we entered motherhood, some of us assumed that all we had to do was pick a side. At least then we’d have the camaraderie of other women who were just like us, and we’d have the validation that comes with belonging.

But then the boundaries separating those “sides” turned out to be fuzzy, and we were thrown into a different kind of battle. And this one was far more isolating and emotional — largely because it existed inside our own heads as we struggled to figure out where we fit in. The Mommy Wars, as it turned out, weren’t about them, they were about us.

To win this battle, we need to know and accept ourselves and our priorities. We need to steel ourselves against all those outside messages about what we should want, and fight off competitive urges to pursue other women’s ideas of success. The New Mommy Wars exact their greatest toll when they prevent us from creating the path that best fits our own needs and passions.

But all this takes courage. Especially when our path doesn’t fit anyone else’s category.

Becky and Hollee’s new book, Good Enough Is the New Perfect: Finding Happiness and Success in Modern Motherhood, is available at Amazon. They blog about parenting and work/life balance at TheNewPerfect.com.

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Chambanamoms.com is thrilled to announced our latest event — a book-launch party for our dear friends and authors, Becky Beaupre Gillespie and Hollee Schwartz Temple.

Becky and Hollee are the co-authors of “Good Enough Is The New Perfect: Finding Happiness and Success in Modern Motherhood,” and they are coming to Champaign-Urbana to celebrate the publication of their book with you!

Come out and meet the authors and talk about work/life balance on from 7 to 9 p.m., Wednesday, April 27 at Class Act in downtown Champaign.

There will be lots of girl talk, good food, drink and even some door prizes! You won’t want to miss this mom’s night out.

During the next several weeks, we’ve invited Hollee and Becky to share some of their ideas about modern motherhood here on chambanamoms.com. We’re excited to share their first post with you today, and stay tuned for more details as we get closer to the event.

Enjoy!

________________

We Are the Anti-Tiger Mothers
by Becky Beaupre Gillespie and Hollee Schwartz Temple

Go ahead, call us the Anti-Tiger Mothers.

We let our kids attend sleepovers, go on playdates, participate in school plays, watch TV, play computer games, choose their own extracurricular activities, and play instruments other than the piano and violin. We even allow them to get grades less than A and to rank lower than the #1 student in class.

Hollee and Becky. Credit: Judy Haverfield Beaupre

This doesn’t make us slacker moms, though; we want success for our children, our families, and ourselves. It’s just that our definition of success is too broad to be found by limiting the things we mentioned above.

Many of you probably recognize this list from Amy Chua’s Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother (or from the many, many stories written about it when it was released this winter). It’s a partial inventory of the things the author won’t allow her daughters to do, all in the name of producing “stereotypically successful” children.

We happen to believe that success should be anything but stereotypical. What’s more, the extensive research we conducted for Good Enough Is the New Perfect: Finding Happiness and Success in Modern Motherhood (Harlequin Nonfiction, April 2011), showed us that reaching for other people’s ideas of success can backfire. The quest for perfection is our generation’s single greatest obstacle to juggling work and family — and, often, it keeps us from achieving the dreams that mean the most to us.

Real success — the kind that makes us happy and doesn’t leave us regretting our choices — is something we define on our own. It comes from figuring out what inspires our passion and makes us unique.

We do not need to be perfect to be successful moms, professionals or women. Allow us to say it again: We do not need to be perfect to be successful. And nor do our children. Ellen Galinsky, the president and co-founder of the Families and Work Institute and the author of Mind in the Making, makes a good point about this. When we model perfection, she told us, we teach our kids a heartbreaking and dangerous lesson: Mistakes are unacceptable.

Nothing kills a dream faster than being so afraid of messing up that we don’t even try.

This is why we’re the Anti-Tiger Mothers. We’re not aiming for stereotypical success — we’re aiming higher. We believe we can Have It All simply by pursuing the “All” that we love most. Not everything — just the things that really matter to us.

We understand why some women adopt the strict Tiger Mother style. Aiming for a single narrow goal like perfection in grades and music is way easier than mastering the emotionally exhausting obstacle course that takes us to the New Perfect. It takes guts to abandon the quest to be “best”— especially these days, when the standards of maternal success seem to have skyrocketed to stunning new heights. It is tempting to stick to the old strategies that guided many of us before we had kids: Just work harder. And don’t stop until it’s perfect.

The New Perfect means stopping, sometimes. And it means knowing when to stop and when to keep going. The most successful women we interviewed had learned to do this — often through hard work and a lot of soul-searching to identify their true goals and priorities. They learned to read cues and understand the viewpoints of others and to think critically about their own talents.

The New Perfect requires us to know ourselves, and it requires us to switch gears when necessary to remain true to what we really want. Yes, perfect requires the ability to prioritize, but the New Perfect requires something even harder: the ability to re-prioritize. That last point is crucial, because life pretty much never turns out the way we’d originally planned.

But the New Perfect is also a relief — at least it has been for us. Learning to live up to our own expectations and to reject other people’s ideas of success has been an empowering lesson, and one we hope to pass on to our children.

For us, it’s worth much more than any “stereotypical success” that they might achieve.

Becky and Hollee’s new book, Good Enough Is the New Perfect: Finding Happiness and Success in Modern Motherhood, is available from Amazon . They blog about parenting and work/life balance at TheNewPerfect.com.

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By Emily Mailey

“I feel like as working moms, we want to be everything to everybody in every way possible, and we’re perfectionists to a fault. We’re trying to do it all, and the first thing that goes out the window is everything that is going to help us.”

It's time to lace up the sneakers and get moving. Photo by Lollyknit on Flickr

If the sentiments of this working mom are ringing true to you, you’re probably so accustomed to devoting your time to others that the idea of “me-time” is laughable. However, here is why (and how) you should consider squeezing exercise onto your to-do list.

First, exercise is not selfish. As a graduate student who studies exercise, I have had many conversations with working moms who are exercising regularly, and they admit this was one of the most difficult things to accept.

Letting go of the guilt they felt for spending time away from their children was a gradual process, but now that physical activity has become routine, they know the benefits far outweigh the costs. By taking as little as 30 minutes a day to be active, they not only feel less stressed and more energized, but they also feel great knowing that they are modeling healthy behaviors for their children.

When you make time to take care of yourself, your family will reap the benefits.

So, where do you start? You know exercise is good for you, but you already have such a packed schedule that you can’t imagine fitting anything else in. Here are a few suggestions:

• Start by setting some small, manageable goals that lay out exactly what you want to accomplish, and then put it on your calendar. If it’s not planned into your day ahead of time, something else will come up and fill that time. Many moms find exercising first thing in the morning is a great solution, because then it’s done early, childcare is not a concern, and they feel great for the rest of the day!
• Write your goals down and post them in a visible place. Then, monitor your progress and hold yourself accountable. Keep track of your activity on a calendar or a website that offers physical activity tracking. And don’t forget to reward yourself when you meet your goals!
• Try different activities until you find something you enjoy. There is no rule that says because you’re an adult you have to be limited to a treadmill or elliptical if those are things you dread. Sign up for a new class at a local gym, or see what exercise videos the local library or your free cable on-demand menu have to offer. Once you find something you like it will no longer seem like a chore!
• Exercise doesn’t have to be something you do alone – include your kids. Go for a family bike ride, sign up for a 5K walk/run that includes a youth run and “train” together, or just turn up the music and have a dance party in the living room. This will give you a chance to connect with your children and emphasize the value of exercise to them, all while you’re getting a good workout in yourself!
• Always be thinking about little ways that you can add more activity to your day. Exercise doesn’t always have to be a huge commitment that takes two hours out of your day. In fact, bouts as short as 10 minutes have been shown to offer health benefits. So, get outside and take a brisk walk on your lunch break, or challenge your kids to a friendly Wii Fit competition after dinner. Every little bit counts!
• Establish a support network. Whether you need a neighbor to watch the kids, your husband to help out more with the housework, or a friend to be your exercise buddy, ask others for help!

It is no secret that exercise helps you feel better both mentally and physically. With all the work you do to provide the best possible life for your family, you deserve to do something good for yourself as well. Your body (and kids) will thank you!

Emily Mailey is a graduate student in the Department of Kinesiology and Community Health at the University of Illinois. For her dissertation, she is determined to help working moms in Champaign-Urbana make their dreams of exercising regularly a reality. More information about participating in her study is available here.

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Perhaps you might have read this morning’s poignant essay by Michelle Rice about her feelings as she returns to work, her maternity leave complete. Several weeks ago, we posed this question on our Facebook page:

“Working moms, how soon after baby did you go back to work?”

The answers were as varied as majors at the University of Illinois. But there were two common threads: many people felt they didn’t have enough time with their babies, while others were thankful for special childcare from family or friends. Some moms quit their jobs altogether.

It’s not uncommon to see headlines in the newspaper or online that the United States has the one of the least family-friendly workplaces in the industrialized world, especially when it comes to the issue of parental leave upon the birth or adoption of a child. A 2007 study indicated that the U.S. is one of only five countries out of 173 surveyed that does not guarantee some form of paid maternity leave; the others are Lesotho, Liberia, Swaziland and Papua New Guinea.

There is no reliable data as to the average amount of leave American women take. Many of the respondents indicated they were off six to 12 weeks, although several others were able to take more – many of them teachers who extended into the summer.

Perhaps all of us are jealous of Australian native Casey Norris, who reported that she had her position kept open for her (unpaid) for 14 months back home Down Under after her first child was born. “Second born, haven’t returned instead moved to USA!!”

Going back to work after having a baby is emotional - whether you've had six weeks, six months or six years off.

Not enough time with baby

Many of you reported that you had less than 12 weeks of maternity leave, the amount “guaranteed” by the Family and Medical Leave Act — meaning that workers may take off 12 weeks without being in danger of losing their jobs. But there are several loopholes for FMLA, and it is not paid.

Although several of you had much less than 12 weeks, some were lucky to have family members or trusted friends help with their newborn. “(I was off) ‎six weeks, but my Mom came to help out for six months!!! A lifesaver!” said Heather Ting.

Some have husbands or partners who decided to stay home, or elected to utilize FMLA themselves. Diana Onken took ‎12 weeks off, then went back to work part-time for two weeks after that. “Wish it could have been longer but my husband was able to take 12 weeks after my 12 weeks so our daughter was home for almost six months with one of her parents,” Onken said.

Changing careers or jobs post-baby

Several of you said that after having your baby, you transitioned into a different career, took a different job at the company you were already employed at or cut down your hours. Some of you returned to your job initially, but later quit to become a stay at a home parent.

“I had to be induced so had to use one of my weeks of maternity leave for the week (it took four days) I was in labor,” said Erica Miske. “So I went back at five weeks. I used to work 40 hours and now that I’m back I’ll only work 24 hours a week (plus six optional hours on Thursday and Friday but I get to bring the baby with me .

Rebecca Gray was hoping to transition to part-time work following the birth of her second child. “(I took off ‎10 1/2 weeks with my daughter (3 1/2 years old) and 12 weeks with my son (four months old). Been back to work, as a nurse, for about a month and hoping to go part time soon!!!” she said.

We’ll be talking about maternity leave benefits and challenges during our Tuesday night appearance with Jennifer Ketchmark and Dave Benton on WCFN Channel 49′s News at 7. Tune in on Tuesday, Sept. 21 around 7:40 p.m. to catch our segment.

How did you feel about your maternity leave?

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By Michelle Rice

Excuse the tears as they drip onto my page. . . Yes, that’s right, I had to go back to work after my glorious maternity leave. I honestly don’t know where the time went. I feel like I just had the baby. I was lucky and was able to stay home for 14.5 weeks with my beautiful baby and toddler. I know I had it better than many working moms do. But that doesn’t make me stop wishing for more time to spend at home with my little darlings. We had just started to get in the swing of things and woosh . . . we’re now on a strict schedule, racing through the day.

I know life after baby is challenging no matter if you decide to stay at home or go back to work. For my family, it’s probably best that I’m working, even though I long to be at home with my kids. When I’m at work, they get to do amazing things at school: paint with their bodies (which I would never think of doing at home – or let’s face it, would never want to clean it up), visit the local fire station, learn different languages, play with flubber (no idea what that was pre-daycare), make friends, and become more independent. The teachers do a fantastic job at exposing my kids to a variety of educational and social experiences and I’m grateful for that. In fact, I’ve learned many tips that help make me a better mom – thanks to the excellent teachers and the other parents.

Photo by Pink Sherbert Photography on Flickr

Even though I feel that way, I still want more exclusive time with my baby. I am happy for the length I was at home as I know I was able to stay off work longer than many people. But I still think it was too soon. Our society thrusts mothers back into the working world painfully quick. In college, my thesis compared industrialized nations and the disparity of maternity leaves. Can you guess where America ended up? Yep, right near the bottom. It’s common in the Scandinavian countries for women to take years off work and then resume their careers because their jobs, or similar jobs, are available when they want to return. They don’t have to prove their professional worth, prove that their minds haven’t turned to mush, after being out of the game for an extended period of time.

I don’t know if I would stay home for years in that system, but I know I would take a longer leave than what is allowed here. My baby is still so small, so new. We’re still bonding and getting to know one aother. A couple hours a day just isn’t enough. In fact, it’s painful having to part from her after carrying her in my body for 41 weeks and then being with her almost every minute for three and a half months after birth. It’s a complete shock to a mother’s system. I’ve already lost out on seeing her roll over for the first time. She was at school two days and started rolling. Instead of watching it with my own eyes, covering her with kisses, and shedding a tear because she’s growing up so quickly, I was told by her teacher that she rolled from back to belly that afternoon. I know I’m not going to be there for many firsts, but it’s disappointing when I miss the early ones.

That said, I count my blessings every day that I had the time off I did. I know many women do not have that luxury – though I think everyone should. Thankfully, going back to work has been as smooth a transition as it could be. I only work two blocks from my girls’ daycare, which allows me the pleasure to nurse my baby during my lunch hour. That has saved my sanity. If I don’t get to spend much time with her in the morning, I know that I can cuddle and kiss her in a few hours. As an added bonus, I can peek in on my oldest daughter and watch how much fun she is having in her class.

We are all somehow getting through this transition with conflicting emotions. All I can do is cherish the time I do have with the girls, and try to enjoy the time I spend at work. But I’ll still keep wishing and working for a change in policy.

Michelle Rice recently had her second child, making her the proud mother of two girls. Once obsessed with politics (she was a fundraiser in Washington, D.C.), she now obsesses over diapers and Dora. She is a communications specialist for the University of Illinois, and enjoys living in C-U because of its proximity to family and its benefits as a diverse college town.

We welcome contributions from our readers. Please contact us for more information.

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by Sam King

I have a confession to make, and it is not pretty. I am having one of those weeks that defy all of the reasonable assumptions of my life: hands-on spouse is traveling; my normally sane job schedule has morphed into a full-time workload with part-time hours; my moderately well-behaved children are acting instead like possessed cats. I am having one of those weeks where the universe lines up and starts firing off little gems of misery in my direction. Don’t get me started on the little indignity that made me feel even sorrier for my self (two words: bad haircut). I wish I could say that I was one of those amazing women (you know who you are) who use exercise, or meditation to ease their souls when over-burdened. The ugly truth about this mom under stress is that when stressed out, I completely let my freak flag fly and break out those crazy little rituals that get me through the tough times.

photo by alancleaver_2000 on flickr

This really all began in graduate school when I was suffering from years of infertility, and some minor (read major) graduate school weight gain. On one of my sorrier-than-sorry for me days, I went to pick up a good book and a bag of peanut butter m & m’s from the store. Though my years spent as a high school literature teacher gave me a grand contempt for “bodice rippers”, I found myself intrigued by the cover of a Fabio-less romance novel. In these trashy romance novels, I discovered the ultimate sense of escapism. These books had none of the heartbreak and depth of my usual reads, and to that, I said…thank you! A quiet evening and a trashy romance novel are still my favorite cure for a bad case of the woes.

Of course, I have to make myself a cliché and admit that chocolate used to be my drug of choice. But, in the ultimate act of betrayal, or in a Darwinist push for self-preservation, my body developed an allergy to chocolate. This led to a horrible trial and error period (have you ever tried organic jelly beans…don’t) until I found my new fix…black licorice! I keep an emergency stash on hand for those times when nothing but sugar will do, and I have yet to find a time that doesn’t fall into that category. You can find licorice in my desk, my purse, my computer bag, my pantry, and in my car. Really, a girl can never be too prepared for a stressful day.

This is so Junior High, but when feeling especially low, I usually make a play list of all of my favorite 80s and early 90s love songs and hit repeat. I don’t want the songs that remind me about how awesome my husband is and how much I love him. Nope. Uh-Uh. I want the songs that make me relive the heartbreak and drama of my teen years. I like the songs that evoke those feelings of angst. My standard go to songs include: Phil Collins’, “Against all odds”, Mariah Carey’s “I Can’t Live” (if living is without you), and Boys II Men’s “End of the Road”. I listen to this at work, I make my kids listen in the car, I sing the songs in the shower, and I play the most tragic ones for my long-suffering husband. I feel the pain, and it helps.

My confession is that when I am overwhelmed and stressed out, I am not such a patient mom, not such a loving wife, and not much of a nice person. I tend towards bitchiness anyways and stress just puts me over the edge. If, in order to maintain some semblance of sanity, I need to let my inner licorice loving, chocolate missing, trashy romance reading, preteen out of the bag, so be it. Now, you’ll have to excuse me, it is hard to enjoy a well-written love scene while balancing a keyboard and a piece of licorice.

How do you find stress relief?

Sam King is a 30-something year old mother of two possessed cats who is either in the middle of an identity crisis or just really tired.

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Cindy McKendall is this week's Chambana mom to know. (Photo provided)

Cindy McKendall came to Champaign-Urbana for school, left for a job, and returned after her college sweetheart (now husband) Sean graduated and started his career locally. A Chicagoland area native, McKendall’s life now revolves around taking care of her almost 5-year-old fraternal twin daughters as well as working part-time for the University of Illinois. Conversations about race, appearance, similarities and differences are nothing unusual in the McKendall household, where mom is white and dad is black. One of the twins has blond hair, blue eyes and a light complexion; while her other twin has dark brown hair, brown eyes, and a darker complexion. The family recently moved to a new home in Champaign, giving Cindy another hobby: remodeling.

See why we think Cindy McKendall is a Chambana mom to know.

Q: How did you react when you found out you were having twins? Or was that your plan all along?

Ask – the answer might surprise you. When I interviewed for my current job, they were looking for someone who could work full-time, in the office. At the time, my daughters were three months old, and I wasn’t willing to work full-time, and the cost of putting two babies in full-time daycare would have been prohibitive.  So I asked if I could work part-time, from home. I’m still amazed that the answer was yes. I’m know that I’m very, very lucky to have the flexibility that I do, and I wish that all parents had the same options.

Do you know of a Chambana mom or dad to know? We love nominations.

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