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Mom to Mom: Scoring Big With Weight Loss

From The Editors — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 03:01:41 +0000

By Jane Sprandel

This past week I had the great opportunity to go to Indianapolis with my husband to take part in some of the pre-Super Bowl activities. We spent time at the Super Bowl Village, toured Lucas Oil Stadium, took part in the NFL Experience, and visited the Dan Patrick Show and other sports shows that were taping live. We also did a lot of walking and seeing the sites and went to an art exhibit, which was very neat.

As I experience great things in life like this, I can’t help to think how my weight loss has made such experiences so much more enjoyable, and I am so thankful for that!

Jane Sprandel's visit to Indianapolis has shown her a great many things to be thankful for. Credit: Jane Sprandel

Physically, life is so different these days, and when on trips like this I really can appreciate it. We walked all over Indy, especially downtown. I would hate to guess how many miles we walked! The weather was so nice, and because it was just the two of us, it was nice to spend sometime together exploring the city. Physically our bodies were worn out, but I could have never been that active 100 pounds ago. I have energy now, I am physically more fit to do these activities and I am thankful for that!

Another area that I was able to take a moment and pause and be thankful about was how I finally am somewhat a typical American, size-wise. I am able to look at shirts and other clothing items and not have to buy one that would fit a lineman. I own two Steelers jerseys that I wore proudly and got a lot of attention for wearing while in Indy. The one I got last year looks a little too big on me, but I still wear it and feel so accomplished in it. My newer one looks better, and I hope that by next year it looks too big, too!

Before we left I stopped in a local store to see if anything caught my eye, and very little of the clothes in there would fit me because they were too big. Wow, what a great feeling, and I am thankful for that.

Today I am less controlled by my weight. While touring the stadium we got to sit in some of the seats. If you are a larger person you know how most of the time the seats are not built for you. I can say I do not have that problem any longer. I have spent a lot of my life watching games, concerts, movies, etc., in seats that felt too restrictive. Not anymore, and I am thankful for that!

Also, I now rarely exceed that weight to do certain activities. As you may be aware, they had zip lining available to do in Super Bowl Village for the low price of $10 per person. I knew my husband was interested in doing it, and I had not told him but I had made up my mind that I was really considering trying it. NEVER in my life have I been able or willing to consider doing such a thing. I thought since I was 50 pounds plus below the limit I may just do it. (Once we got there I pretty much chickened out. After watching it, I decided it was to high and moved to fast.) The tickets were sold out, so Tony did not even get to go, but this is not to say I won’t in the future. I am thankful that I am able to now have the choice if I want to try something new!

I believe in being thankful for even the small victories. We have to set small goals and be thankful for those moments.

One way I celebrate my victories is to share them. I know it seems odd to some to fit in a stadium seat or be able to buy a shirt off the rack, but to others they know how this has been or hopefully is an attainable moment for them, too! Celebrate your little victories as proudly as the big ones, and be thankful for them!

Jane Sprandel lives in Thomasboro with her husband Tony and their children Seth, McKenna and Raegyn. One day she decided that she was sick of being morbidly obese and was determined to do something about it. Join in on the journey as a mom regains her life for not only herself but also her family — follow her blog at http://www.bandincu.blogspot.com.

Closet Hacks: Stylewatching in C-U

Erin Nieto — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 03:36:16 +0000

This spring, the new Chambana-based fashion blog Closet Hacks will launch, authored by Chambanamoms contributor Erin Nieto, also known as the Househunting Mom, and longtime blogger, photographer and townie Sheila Daniels.

For the coming weeks before their launch, the Closet Hacks will team up to provide a series of articles here at Chambanamoms.com that will start the journey. Their mission: Find wonderful shining examples of fashion among the faces and places of Champaign-Urbana and deconstruct the magic for themselves (and you!). Is it possible for two moms in the Midwest? They aim to find out.

In the meantime, they would like to introduce themselves by way of how their “fashion pasts” are informing their current fashion conundrums:

Erin:

Closet Hacks stylewatcher and Chambanamoms contributor Erin Nieto, circa 1986.

For me, I think it was much easier to play with fashion when I was in my teens and 20s (I’m 41 now, so I’m speaking with nostalgia about the ’80s and ’90s here).

And play I did. Clothes provided a spark. I loved the feeling of being excited about clothes, about what they looked like, what they might look like on me (or what they might look like on fire), and how they could shape my identity. Through clothes, I could play at being what I wanted to be and still have the freedom to change my mind and try something different.

I loved observing the interplay between what I wore, how I felt about myself, and what others thought of me. Daring to step just over the line sometimes, into uncharted territory: multicolored hairdo, spiked wristband and Doc Marten boots here, Swept updo with little elegant vintage black cocktail dress there.

And I had the best fashion role model a girl could dream of: A Very Stylish Mama with a degree in fashion design and a similar appetite for the fun in clothes. Above all, she taught me that great fashion can (and does) come from anywhere: from a pattern and the sewing machine, from the thrift store, from the Golden Mile. She has excellent intuition about fashion, and her intuition was to let me play to the fullest with this stuff. What an excellent gift that was.

Erin Nieto today.

So it wasn’t really until my 30s that I began to let the “what others think” observation drive the bus. I was career minded; working at the university and trying to be a role model to the students who populated my classrooms. My preconceived notions of what an instructor should look like governed what I bought and what I wore and how I did (or didn’t do) my hair. That clothing spark was dying a slow and painful death.

And now, today, sitting here as a chronically exhausted mom of two young boys under 5, self-employed and starting to think again after a handful years what kinds of things I should have in my wardrobe for when spring arrives (oh, the joy of finally parting with maternity clothes!), I would love to re-ignite the spark.

But I’m kinda lost.

—–

Sheila:

Closet Hacks stylewatcher Sheila Daniels, circa 1986.

My earliest memories of fashion were of Lucile Ball. I remember watching “Here’s Lucy” and swooning over the pointy-toed pumps worn with a pencil skirt. I loved her bright lipstick paired with pedal pushers and fitted blouse for a casual outfit. This was my vision of femininity as a young girl, and it had a profound influence on what I thought I should be wearing as an adult.

By the time I was a tween (which is before there were ‘tweens) I was poring over the fall “Vogue” magazine, shopping at yard sales and thrift stores in search of understanding. What I really wanted was a path to reconcile the Ideal (capital “I”) with the reality of an awkward and strange kid trying to fit in.

I found my way by breaking the rules. If dresses were popular, I wore pants. If long hair with feathered bangs were “it,” mine was cut short like a boy’s. I knew I couldn’t fit it, so I had no interest in even trying. In that rebellion I found total freedom. Sometimes I was a punk, other times, a hippy. It really depended on my mood. Clothing was a costume that I wore that expressed how I felt to the world. It also defined how the world felt about me and I liked that. I had control.

Sheila Daniels today.

When I became an adult, mom of two, working, wife, and all that social and personal expectation, I was stripped bare of all that had come before. Had I forgotten who I was or was I just not the same person? It doesn’t really matter. I’ve been starting fresh. Different body. New interests. Confidence.

Having fun is just the cherry on top.

——

We hope that you’ll join us in our journey to root out the best of what Chambana has to offer, through its shops and through its fashionable people — looking for the eye catching, the innovative, the exciting, the good fit, the flattering, the classic, the dressy, the casual — all right here in the place where we live. We have cameras, and we’re not afraid to use them. But we’ll need your help.

Can moms in Chambana be fashionable? Like us on Facebook, follow our tweets, and read our coming articles on Chambanamoms. We’d love to hear from you!

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Feast Or Family: The Beef House

From The Editors — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 03:33:27 +0000

By Megan Gillette

Over the past few years, I’ve found more and more excuses to go across the Indiana border, where the hills just start to roll, to The Beef House. Whether it’s a trip to the Children’s Museum of Indianapolis or a need for festive fireworks from Shelton’s (in the big red barn beyond the Covington exit), I feel a subliminal pull to the giant halls with a large, carved, wooden steer head, past the large glass cooler display of fresh beef cuts, and into the carpeted rooms with cushy captain’s chairs on wheels and large windows looking out to woods and pasture. It’s a classic steakhouse my grandparents would have taken me to for a gin and tonic, where the tonic was just an afterthought.

Credit: Flickr, McPig

Most people are familiar with the regionally famous white rolls served with house-made strawberry preserves and soft butter. I absolutely have to limit not only my intake of these but also my kids’. They will eat these until their tummies are round and there is no room for the delicious steamed broccoli with rich cheese sauce and applesauce that they must eat if they think they will ever get another chicken tender/leg/breaded shrimp. The kids’ menu is fantastic and has set a high standard for other kids menus we encounter.

Included with adult entreés are soup and salad. I can’t even tell you what the other soups are because the broccoli cheese is the only one I ever order! It’s not too heavy or salty, just a clean, creamy cheese base with small florets of tender broccoli-superfood. Although I can’t remember having tried another soup, everything I’ve tasted there is prepared at a level which leaves me no room to complain, so if you don’t like a cream base in your soup or share George H.W. Bush’s distaste for the green vegetable, do not hesitate to try another.

The salad bar is one of the best. Not exotic, but full of the best-tasting comfort sides and accoutrements. My favorite are the crunchy, creamy pea and cheese salad; chick peas; fresh fruit in season; pickled beets; raisins; sunflower seeds; and the thick, chunky, homemade blue cheese dressing that is a hallmark of a fine steakhouse.

Now as I’ve written before, I’m not much of a red-meat eater. My husband loves all the beef cuts, but I opt for surf and turf. I’ve always enjoyed the classic shrimp cocktail served with spicy sauce in a martini glass with fresh lemon. The shrimp are huge, not over-cooked, and well chilled. I may follow that with an incredibly tender petit filet and baked potato-toppings on the side. If you decide you need the fried onion rings, you will not be sorry. Recently, I’ve discovered the grilled shrimp, which are large, butterflied and prepared simply with fresh lemon. They are light, perfectly cooked and oh-so savory.

Dessert? I’ve never actually made it to dessert because of everything I’ve just mentioned. I may have another half a roll with strawberry jam, and perhaps an Andes mint sold by the check out. This is the point in the meal where you are thankful your chair is on wheels and it’s been a nice sit, because you’ve certainly settled in.

After we gather ourselves up we stroll across the parking lot to the nearby pasture and visit the horses. They let you pet their soft noses as you reflect on your experience of a time gone by: less hurried, comforting, family-oriented, and satiating on every level.

Hmm, I wonder when we’ll “need” fireworks again …

Verdict: FAMILY!! I would feel I cheated if I didn’t bring the kids. The waitresses are patient and kind, all food is prepared fresh from quality ingredients, kids will be on their best behavior in hopes they might be brought back. Oh, and they will pass out on the way home, which is a pleasant drive into the sunset, past the fields and farms.

The Beef House Restaurant is located at 16501 North State Road 63, Covington, Ind. They are open Monday to Friday from 10:30 a.m. to 10 p.m., Saturday from 1 p.m. to 10 p.m. and Sunday from 11 a.m. to 9 p.m. Remember, these times are Eastern, so you’ll want to add an hour when checking your Central time watch.

Megan Gillette is a mother of two active little boys — FIT kids (Foodies in Training). In her “spare time” she is a senior graphic and web designer at Wolfram, a real-estate broker with TeamKay at Keller Williams, and a real-estate maven for the family holding company. Megan is in constant pursuit of perfect food, exciting dining experiences, and farm-to-fork meals with her husband and personal sous chef, Kurt.

From There to Here: My Lucky Vacuum Cleaner

Amy L. Hatch — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 02:56:28 +0000

These are two kids who need to learn how to vacuum. Credit: Amy L. Hatch

By Amy L. Hatch

My vacuum cleaner broke about a month ago.

Truth be told, it probably bit the dust (bunnies) when we tossed our Christmas tree on Jan. 1. The amount of pine needles on our floors and in the carpets was truly unprecedented.

A couple of days after we’d dismantled the holiday decorations I tried to vacuum up some Lucky Charms (don’t judge) from the family room carpet to no avail. I switched the bag, my husband cleaned out the innards and, still, it would not suck.

Which totally did suck.

I’m not normally a neatnik but there is something so gross about dirty floors, am I right? Dirty toilets and floors really just scream, “Call social services and then, call the producers of ‘Hoarders!’”

I am about as organized as I am neat and so weeks passed without the vacuum being fixed, or even examined to determine its ailment. There was enough food on my carpet to feed a small nation.

Anyone who knows me well also knows that a small black cloud hovers just over my left shoulder. Weird stuff just happens to me. Cabinets fall off walls (yes, really, remind me to tell you about it sometime), computers go on the fritz — and vacuums stop working.

My sister recently bought one of those at-home soda makers and she was so enamored of it she wanted to send me one, too, until I told her how I tripped over the cord of our new printer literally days after buying it and watched it crash onto the floor.

“Um, you know,” she said, “this has one of those canisters of CO2. I think maybe I shouldn’t send you one.”

And she was so right.

But lately my luck seems to be turning. Yeah, my cloud is still there, but it seems to be more gray than black. I even smile at it from time to time.

In January, out of the blue, Laura and I were invited to attend a blogger’s summit hosted by Kenmore. Yes, Kenmore of Kenmore appliances. The brand generously hosted us at a swanky hotel in Chicago and we got to meet some really awesome fellow bloggers, writers and entrepreneurs.

After a day spent in the Kenmore Live Studios (where I got to meet Suzy Singh of “Master Chef,” squee!) , they sent us on our way with the promise that we’d soon get a special delivery at home.

You’ll never guess what I got.

Yep, a vacuum cleaner.

It arrived on a day when even my children — lo, the source of the filth — were bemoaning our lack of a vacuum. No kidding. They were complaining about it when we rounded the corner to our house.

And there was a box on the porch. A beautiful, beautiful box containing a Kenmore vacuum cleaner.

It took a day or two for me to finally bust that box open but when I did, a true miracle occurred.

I actually enjoyed cleaning my house.

Now if only someone would send me a new range, washer and dryer — then cooking and laundry might be tolerable, too!

Amy L. Hatch is a co-founder and editor of chambanamoms.com and you never, ever want to look under the beds in her house. She can be reached at amy@chambanamoms.com. Her travel, lodging and brand-new vacuum cleaner were generously provided to her at no cost by Kenmore.

From There to Here: Lucky Penny

Walking Wounded: Coping With a Loved One’s Life-Threatening Illness

From The Editors — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 03:23:12 +0000

By Heather Schultz

I love my life. I am happy and fulfilled in so many ways. And yet just below the surface, I am profoundly sad.

My brother’s life is in danger. The chemo was successful, the surgery went beautifully, his scans have been clear for a year, and Eric has recovered like a champion. But now Eric’s blood marker that indicates the presence of cancer in his body has quadrupled in a short span of time. Although there are other potential benign explanations for this increase, the most likely reason is that Eric’s cancer has recurred.

Author Heather Schultz, right, and her brother, Eric, preparing to run their first 5k together since Eric's chemo and surgery. Credit: Heather Schultz

Eric was initially diagnosed with advanced stomach cancer in October 2010. After five months of successful chemo, he had radical abdominal and thoracic surgery in April 2011. They removed two-thirds of his esophagus, one-third of his stomach, and several cancerous lymph nodes throughout his body. The pathology from his surgery showed only a 1mm cancerous tumor remaining at the original site which the surgeon removed with wide margins of healthy tissue. All the lymph nodes were free of living cancer; only dead cancer cells remained. But once cancer has spread to the lymph nodes, it can go anywhere. We don’t know whether there was undetectable and unseen cancer that had spread to other organs (most likely the lungs or liver, or in the lining of the abdomen). Eric had more chemo after surgery last year to kill off any remaining cancer they may have missed. This is our concern now. After surgery, his survival odds were 50/50, which is far better than the 4 percent he started with at diagnosis.

Today Eric will receive results from his most recent PET scan. Worst case, they tell us his cancer is back. A recurrence will most likely end Eric’s life in a short span of time. Best case, no cancer is detected on the scan. This does not mean that no cancer is living in his body; it simply means it is not far enough advanced for us to measure. So more bloodwork and more scans will follow at more frequent intervals. Thus if all goes well, we are here for the long haul.

Surviving advanced cancer means facing a series of tests over the course of several months and years, and with each test comes the understanding that this might be the day my worst fear is realized: My brother is not going to survive. After five years of clean scans, Eric will be considered cured of his illness.

I will hold out hope for Eric’s survival as long as is reasonable. Yesterday I told my mother, who is struggling mightily with Eric’s situation and who herself is in treatment for cancer, that I believe my brother will live a long life and that he will do something only he can do as a result of enduring this magnitude of suffering. Perhaps he will write a book or give speeches to cancer patients or oncologists. Perhaps he will become a strong voice in advocating for those who fall ill to the same fate.

My brother will do great things as a result of this experience that no one else can do because he is brilliant, and because he is a survivor.

Am I a naive little sister, thinking my big brother can do anything? Yes. Am I an optimist, expecting the best possible outcome until told definitively otherwise? Yes. Am I a skeptic, not willing to embrace the odds because thus far Eric has beat them? Yes. By the numbers, my brother should not even be alive today. Am I a believer in the grace and sovereignty of my God, trusting Him to carry us as far as we are willing to go with Him? Yes.

When Eric was first diagnosed I asked my therapist, “Is it OK for me to have hope?” At the time, the doctors told Eric he would be on chemo for the rest of his life, which would not likely be more than a year. My therapist asked me, “What do you risk in hoping?” Disappointment, I answered. “And will you be disappointed if your brother dies?” Devastated, I said. “Then what do you risk in hoping?” Nothing. Nothing could possibly prepare me for the loss of my beloved brother. And so I choose to hope. And I choose to be happy.

Sometimes I feel guilty enjoying my happy little life. It is not without loss and disappointment, but overall I have a very sweet existence. How can I enjoy a ski weekend with my family while my brother is grappling with the likelihood of his own death and the ramifications to his family? How can I enjoy a favorite meal when I know what a struggle it is for Eric to eat enough to keep up his weight and his strength? It feels callous and uncaring. Yet from the first day of his diagnosis, my brother encouraged me to embrace and enjoy my life. In his selfless concern for his sister, he apologized for heaving such a heavy burden on me on my birthday. This is the kind of brother Eric is. I do not want to live in a world without him. And yet I want to live.

We are the walking wounded. We are the people who go about our day just like everyone else, but with a keen awareness of the tenuous nature of life. This bitter pill has made everything else taste much sweeter. We pick ourselves up and we keep moving forward, because we must. What is the alternative? And after all, there is simply too much to love about today.

Heather Schultz grew up in northern Michigan and has lived in the Champaign-Urbana area for 14 years. Her passions include singing, kickboxing, and volunteering in the community. Heather lives in Savoy with her husband Charles and their 7-year-old daughter Annie.

Top Five: Things To Do With Kids During The Superbowl

From The Editors — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 02:13:23 +0000

Credit: ElvertBarnes, Flickr

Sunday is basically a national holiday — and for our friends just down the road in Indy, Superbowl Sunday is going to be one heck of a party.

But sometimes the small people aren’t really into the big game, and that can make for some stressful hours between kick-off and bedtime.

That’s why we put our heads together to come up with five fun things to do with the kids during the Superbowl!

1. Get your game face on! Playing a game while you’re watching the game — can it get any more meta? Break out Candy Land, Operation or Sorry! and keep your eye on the telly while the kids beat the pants off you. Throw in a friendly wager just for fun!

2. Get crafty! Clear some space on a table and set out enough craft supplies to make Valentines or another craft, or even some fun posters to cheer on mom’s and dad’s favorite team!

3. Get creative! Let your kids pick one of their favorite products from around your house and challenge them to make the best possible Superbowl commercial! Help them film it with your smart phone or flip cam and then pick the best one.

4. Get cooking! Kids love to help in the kitchen so get them to work. Let them help you make some delicious snacks to munch on.

5. Get moving! With the weather as warm as it’s been, there’s nothing to stop you from heading out to the back yard or neighborhood park to toss the pigskin around. Get your team together and scrimmage.

What do you do with your family during the Superbowl? Are you into the game or looking for something else to do?

‘Girl Talk’: Advice From Mom, Teen Daughters

From The Editors — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 12:49:31 +0000

By Nicole O’Dell

It’s great to be back on this awesome blog to share some fun news with you. I’ve recently had the incredible privilege of compiling an advice Q&A book, “Girl Talk,” with my two daughters and blogging partners, Natalie (14) and Emily (11). And we want to invite you out to the Champaign Family Christian Store on Feb. 4 from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m., where the three of us will be sharing some treats and signing copies of our new book. Come visit!

First, check out some of the issues we cover in our book:

"Girl Talk," written by Nicole O'Dell and her daughters, is a question-and-answer style book for teens. Credit: Nicole O'Dell

Q: My mom is always on me about what I wear. I just don’t see why it should matter to her. I mean, she got to wear the things she wanted to wear when she was young. The styles are different now, though. She won’t let me wear any shirts that show even a fraction of my stomach, and I have to actually bend over in jeans to prove to her that nothing shows in the back, if you know what I mean. She even says there’s stuff in the Bible about the way to dress right. Is that true? What should I do to change her mind?

Q: I have a friend who is pretty skinny, but she thinks she’s fat. … I actually heard her make herself throw up in the school bathroom a couple of times. What should I do about it? Or is it none of my business?

Q: I recently lost a lot of weight and started high school at the same time. I’m getting all sorts of attention from boys, and I just don’t know what to do about it because it’s so new to me. I kind of like it … but I’m nervous. What should I do?

That last one is a question I would have asked if I’d written to “Girl Talk” at the start of my freshman year of high school. But, I didn’t know to ask. I didn’t know I was facing a challenge. I simply reacted to things as I faced them. And I made mistakes. Many of them.

Each of us has a set of experiences and circumstances — some within our control and some not — that shapes the way we look at choices, temptation, peer pressure, and everything that comes up along the way. If we can help prepare girls before they find themselves staring peer pressure in the face, they’ll feel more equipped to stand strong. To say NO to whatever life throws at them.

And bad decisions are one thing, but there’s also the stuff girls deal with that they have no control over: divorce, abuse, loss, grief, illness, financial strain, and more. Those life-altering circumstances make it even more difficult for girls to stand against the pressure when all they want is friendship, acceptance and love.

It takes pro-active, intentional effort to make the necessary preparations to help teens combat peer pressure.

That’s why my daughters and I started the Girl Talk Column on my blog. We wanted to give girls a place they could go with those tough questions about life. The column grew, and the questions built up to the point when we, along with Barbour Publishing, decided to put 180 questions from readers and our answers into a book. But it’s not just any book; the vibrant, trendy format has a scrapbook-y feel as each page is full color with graphics galore.

Nat, Em, and I hope you’ll pass this resource along to the teens in your life. Also, the Girl Talk column is ongoing. You can write to us with your questions anytime!

Remember, it’s all about choices!

And if you’d like to win a copy of Girl Talk, signed by all three of us, leave a comment here. Tweeting about this post will earn you another entry if you let us know you did. I’d also love it if you signed up for my Choices e-Zine/newsletter, too — that will earn you a third entry!

Nicole O’Dell, founder of Choose NOW Ministries and host of Teen Talk Radio, is a mom of six, ranging from 20 all the way down to a set of toddler triplets. She writes fiction for teens including the popular “Scenarios for Girls” interactive fiction series and the “Diamond Estates Series.” Emily is a straight-A fifth grader at Eastlawn School in Paxton, Ill.; Natalie is an honor student in the eighth grade at Paxton-Buckley-Loda Middle School.

Best-Kept Secret: Confidentially Yours

Amy L. Hatch — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 06:00:15 +0000

Feeling cranky? Maybe you need a good bra fitting. Credit: Jamiesrabbits, Flickr

By Amy L. Hatch

Warning: All you guys out there might want to look away. I’m going to be talking about underwear.

Ladies’ underwear. Specifically, brassieres.

All you women out there know that when you have an undergarment that is too big, too small, too loose or too tight all in the wrong places, it can make you feel a little bit like Dirty Harriet.

Go ahead, punk. Make my day.

I’ve been wandering around Chambana for the last three years wearing bras that do not fit. I bought three of them — white, nude and black — after Henry was born. I was so exhausted then that all I really wanted was something clean. Fit and fancy did not even come into play. I grabbed what I thought was my size, paid and I’ve been wearing them ever since.

Until this month, when every bra I own went haywire. Get it? Haywire? Like underwire?

I wish I was kidding but literally all my bras except for one super-duper uncomfortable one I bought at Target popped their underwires. Into the trash they went.

I’ve been meaning to make a stop at Confidentially Yours forever, but I don’t get up that way very often. The store, in the Round Barn Centre is waaaaaay across town from me, but recently I was up in that neck of the woods for a meeting.

I walked into the shop and I swear, I heard a choir of angels.

There was no blaring music, no distracting and nonsensical display of lotions and cosmetics, no underpants with questionable slogans emblazoned across the rear.

There was a lovely woman behind a counter named Allyssa who asked if she could help me, and then gently led me into a changing room to measure me.

And lo and behold, I have been wearing the wrong size bra.

This is not very shocking and, frankly, I’m sure I’m not alone. Lots of women just keep wearing the same size bra they always wore, but a couple of kids and some milestone birthdays can change a person’s … ahem … physique.

I didn’t have to hunt around for my size (incidentally, the most popular size, look at me I’m popular!), because Allyssa found a whole bunch for me. And she didn’t choose just the most expensive ones — she even plucked several from the extremely well-organized sales rack.

Heh, I said rack.

Anyway, the experience at Confidentially Yours could not have been better. From the merchandise to the sales person to the atmosphere, I can’t recommend this shop enough.

Now, before you go visit and then come back to yell at me, the bras at Confidentially Yours do not have Target prices. But if you think about how often you wear these items (um, every day, I hope) and the number of years you expect them to last, the math will make sense.

And, as I said, the sales rack was well stocked and extremely reasonable, with prices lower than a certain mall lingerie retailer.

The store also does a lot of work with breast-cancer survivors, and in fact Allyssa told me that many women mistakenly believe the shop only caters to that customer base.

That isn’t the case at all, and in fact if you have a teen-age daughter I would highly recommend Confidentially Yours for a bra-buying experience. The store also offers nursing bras and clothing.

Confidentially Yours is definitely a best-kept secret, and I’m so happy to spill the beans.

Full disclosure: Confidentially Yours is not a chambanamoms sponsor, but I really, really enjoyed my experience there. These opinions are all mine!

Drama Down: Five Tips to De-escalate Mom/Daughter Conflict

From The Editors — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 01:00:16 +0000

Tired of the drama-rama? Try these five tips for communicating with your teenage daughter. Credit: iStockPhoto

By Angela Patton

We all know that teen girls can generate some big drama. While it can be frustrating and even painful to watch them navigate the rocky years as they individuate and stretch their wings, it is even more difficult if you find yourself going head to head with them.

As parents we are supposed to “pick our battles” so we don’t get into negative interactions over things that in the big picture don’t really matter. But you may find yourself shaking your head wondering, “How in the world did we end up arguing about peanut butter?”

Yep, peanut butter. Creamy or crunchy? That was the story Amiee* brought to therapy as she told me how her mom tried to control everything in her life, even whether she should eat creamy or crunchy peanut butter.

Carol,* Amiee’s mom, tells a different version:

Amiee was late getting out the door for school. I yelled up at her to ask if she wanted me to make her a peanut butter sandwich for lunch and as I was just getting the words out, she flew down the stairs screaming that she didn’t have time to wait.

I told her that I could have it done in two minutes and to just hold on. She proceeded to tell me that she didn’t want one because she hated the creamy peanut butter that I’d bought. I know I should have just dropped it right there, but instead I engaged in a back-and-forth rant about how she’d always loved the creamy peanut butter before and that this was the first I knew of her crunchy preference.

Apparently this was the last straw to prove that I never paid attention to what she said, which of course ticked me off because I felt I was just trying to do her a favor to begin with. It’s not like I’m obligated to make sandwiches for a teenager who oversleeps.

Carol told me how, even though her tale felt almost laughable, it wasn’t laughable when it was happening day in day out … over how much cleavage to show, when she could be texting, how to get her math grade up … and the list goes on.

As a therapist, teacher and mother of a teenager daughter myself I can attest to the fact that you have to be strategic when you communicate with hormonally challenged teen girls.

In therapy I see that even mother/daughter relationships that have a healthy foundation can go astray when girls hit the tweens and teens. I know that boys can be difficult too, but research actually shows that mother and daughters have more conflict — and their fights last twice as long.

Do you and your daughter need therapy or is there another solution?

I found these five tips from the excellent book — Getting To Calm: Cool-Headed Strategies For Parenting Tweens And Teens by Laura S. Kastner, Ph.D. and Jennifer Wyatt, Ph.D., to be really valuable in helping me and my clients. Warning: They do take practice.

1. Listen, empathize, and confirm their feelings. A genuine and sincere tone is critical. If we’re hovering or pandering (“I hear your feelings”), it can set the teen off. Instead, try a heartfelt comment like, “Wow, this sounds like a real struggle.”

2. Admit you can’t solve their problem. When someone is very upset, we’re all tempted to try to solve the problem with our good advice. Unfortunately, this can come across as minimizing or patronizing, and can escalate the conflict. Instead, try something that pulls you away from their complaining cycle such as, “I’d love nothing more than to come up with a brilliant solution that satisfies both of us, honey, but I don’t seem to be able to find one.”

3. Express your faith in their ability to figure it out. Our adolescents look to us as mirrors reflecting our reassurance that they can handle their situation. If we show anxiety, frustration, anger, or resentment, we’re not inspiring confidence in their own ability to work through the upset. Depending on the situation, a parent might say, “Look, I know you want me to fix this, but I guess I’ll have to let you be mad at me. In the meantime, I really do trust that you can come up with a solution.”

4. Move away without being rejecting. In preparation for your exit, make a comment that breaks the spell but still keeps you connected. The phrase, “I’ll go make some tea for us” is a metaphor for any nurturing statement that shows support and implies, “I’m not abandoning you.” It could be something like, “I hope you’re doing OK with this. Let’s talk again in an hour and see where you are.”

5. Check back in to prove that you care and are still with them. After some time has passed, we can offer some kind of nurturance such as a back rub or hot chocolate. Nonetheless, don’t expect the teen to be happy and completely over it, since resentment and frustration are likely to linger. If the tornado has lost high velocity and dwindled into mere blusters, this is a major achievement!

I’d love to hear your experiences in remembering your own teen years, or those with your daughters.

*Carol and Amiee’s names have been changed

Angela Patton, MA, LPC, is a therapist with Kevin Elliott Counseling. In addition to providing therapy for teens and families she facilitates the Butterfly Therapy Group for teen girls.

This post is sponsored by chambanamoms.com partner Kevin Elliott Counseling. For more information about Kevin Elliott Counseling and the Butterfly Therapy Group, please visit www.kevinelliottcounseling.com.

At the Editor’s Desk: The Leap Day Baby

Laura Weisskopf Bleill — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 23:15:06 +0000

I’m not sure what it is, but with each pregnancy I’ve always had a somewhat interesting due date – or one that wasn’t so desirable, depending on your point of view.

The oldest was due on April 2, and I was scared to death that our first child would end up as an April Fool’s Day baby. It didn’t happen, as I was induced about a week early.

The baby we lost at 8 weeks had a very early due date of 8/8/08.

Leap Day baby - thumbs up or thumbs down? Photo by LadyDragonflyCC on flickr

Our second child was due on New Year’s Day. While I thought that was neat and could have involved getting the “first baby of the new year” honors, my husband and I were more interested in getting the tax deduction for having her in the previous calendar year. Again, I was induced (just before Christmas), and her birthday is just another day in December.

Baby Number 3 might just get the granddaddy birthday of them all.

Feb. 29.

I will probably be induced again (due to gestational diabetes – we’re 3-for-3, people), and if the doctor let me have my way, I would pick that day. I am all for the Leap Day baby, but my husband disagrees. If offered the choice, he would shun it.

He thinks the kid would hate me forever.

My brother, who was born in a leap year and has several friends/classmates with a Feb. 29 birthday, said that he never met a Leap Day baby that didn’t revel in their individuality. If anything, having a Leap Day birthday is a guaranteed conversation starter. As I discovered while doing research for this article, there is actually an Honor Society of Leap Year Day Babies

Seriously.

It’s pretty unique to have a Leap Day birthday. Here’s this calculation, courtesy of enchantedlearning.com: “Assuming an equal distribution of birthdays throughout the year, the fraction of people born on leap day is the fraction of people born on one day out of four years, or 1/[(365 x 4 ) + 1] = 1/1,461 = 0.068% (less than one-tenth of a percent of the population).”

Maybe I’m weird, maybe I’m too much of an individualist. But I wouldn’t care if I got to celebrate my birthday “once every four years.” That would only make it more special. And we rarely have our childrens’ birthday parties on their actual birthday, so what’s the difference?

Of course, this is all hypothetical anyway. I probably won’t get to pick the day I get induced (although I should be able to. After all, I’m the one who has carried this thing around all this time). And maybe, just maybe, I will have a baby who will decide to come all on its own.

But if there is that small chance, I would welcome — even leap at — the opportunity.

I want to know what you think — thumbs up or down to a Leap Day baby? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.

Laura Weisskopf Bleill is the co-founder and editor of chambanamoms.com. You can reach her at laura@chambanamoms(dot)com.