By Amy L. Hatch
Just in time for your holiday shopping, you can buy your child a doll that makes sucking sounds while she holds it up to her nipples.
Yes, parents, it’s never too early to indoctrinate your kids about breastfeeding! Yet another contender for the Most Inappropriate Toy Hall of Fame has arrived on the scene. For just $89 MSRP, the Breast Milk Baby doll simulates real breastfeeding using a bib your little girl can wear marked with strategically placed flower petals containing sensors that cue a sucking motion from the doll.
This toy has actually won awards. Awards!
Excuse me, I just threw up in my mouth a little.
No little girl needs a baby doll that specifically encourages her to playact something that should only take place well after puberty, and, if you live in my house, well after high school, college, career and life partner. Playing house is one thing, but playing “my breasts work now!” is another, especially when she doesn’t even have breasts yet.
Go ahead and tell me I live in a glass house, that’s OK, I’ll hand you some stones. But that’s my goal with my little girl—that she only consider having a kid once she’s mature enough to have one. “Practicing” for an activity that is, essentially, an outgrowth of sex is not something she needs to do at the moment.
We all know I’m not a fan of the holier-than-thou attitude about breastfeeding, and this doll is a perfect example of the craziness that surrounds the subject today. Why would anyone want to turn their kid into a walking billboard for the lactivist movement? If you want to explain breastfeeding to your child, do you really need a prop? Doesn’t a simple explanation suffice?
I’d love to talk to the genius behind this particular toy, that’s for sure. But then again, look at how we’re all gawking and talking about it (present company included). It’s a marketing dream!
Let’s talk about marketing for a minute. What kind of doll are we going to market just to boys? One that never needs a diaper change? We all got riled up earlier this year about a Huggies commercial that depicted dads as dolts who couldn’t take care of their own babies. Now we’ve got a doll to prove that only mommies can feed babies.
This is like shooting fish in a barrel, people.
I have a hard time believing that even women who do breastfeed would want this toy to show up under the Christmas tree. Would you give this toy to your kid?