Long story short, I’m pregnant. Seven months pregnant, to be accurate.
This is baby number three for the McMillan clan, and you haven’t heard about it until now for a variety of reasons. One is that, while Laura wrote about baby #3 bringing confidence, I’ve largely felt the opposite. My nerves are getting the better of me this time. But, that’s a post for another day.
With this being my third time at the rodeo, I can honestly say I still scratch my head at the concept of a birth plan. For me, “birth plan” has always seemed like kind of a no-brainer: Get Baby Out.
Oh, I realize there are a lot more subtleties to it than that, and sure, I have a preference for the way things will go down on the big day. I guess that’s all a birth plan really is, but it still seems to me like writing all that down is only asking for trouble.
I have thought of one really good birth plan, though, and I truly think it’s worth researching and at least trying to implement. Stay with me, now…
You know how a lot of T.V. shows and movies feature birth scenes, complete with a screaming newborn? In some of those scenes, sure, it’s easy to tell that the kid they’re using has been on solid foods for at least a few months. Other times, however, the babe looks more or less freshly squeezed. Have you ever wondered how they pull that off? I know I have.
Hollywood producers, take note: I am offering you the use of my newborn. Granted, you’ll have to let me kiss him and love on him a little first, but then you can whisk him away to the next room (I’m sure Carle Hospital will be down with this) where an actor/gynecologist can pretend to pull him from J. Lo, hand him to her, all while the mom-meets-baby-scene is being (quickly, please…) caught on film.
The way I see it, this is a win-win-win: we’ll get a nice royalty from the production of the film to pay for the birth and kick-start a sweet college fund for junior; the movie gets to have the most realistic-looking newborn on film yet; and Carle can advertise for years to come that it was the spot where the classic pregnancy comedy Birth Plan was filmed. Dibs on that name, producers; if you want it, you’ll have to pay.
Readers, I’ll let you know how this works out. I may be too far along for a production to include me in its shooting schedule, in which case I highly suggest the next momma takes this idea and runs with it. Win-win-win, I tell you.
I’ll let you know how it goes.
Rachael McMillan teaches sixth- and seventh-grade history at Campus Middle School for girls. She also tutors at The Reading Group and serves as the education coordinator for Ten Thousand Villages, a fair trade retailer in downtown Champaign. She is totally in love with her Chambana life, which she shares with husband Scott, second grader Jack, first grader Kate, and a soon-to-be-born baby boy her kids have named Bob.