By Lisa Frerichs
I am a mom who has both adopted and delivered a biological baby. I find nothing different between my two kids except that one has brown hair/brown eyes and the other blond hair/blue eyes. Oh, yes, one is a perfectionist and one is an optimist, one likes meat and one is adventurous.
The point is that they are normal brothers; we all know one is adopted and go on with our complete lives.
Lisa Frerichs, seen here with her family, has heard a lot of interesting things when it comes to adoption. Credit: Lisa Frerichs
Standing over the bassinet at the hospital and having a baby placed in your arms is a humbling and overwhelming experience to say the least. To think that God and this young couple chose us to be parents to this beautiful little boy blows my mind. Still does to this day. The gift of a child. The blessings of a young birth mom and birth dad. The love.
Whether an adopted child is from Ethiopia, China, Guatemala or Springfield, the overwhelming joy of being a parent is unexplainable. I have never been on such an emotional roller coaster filled with tears, stress, suspense, fear, joy, anger, doubt and satisfaction.
The one word I left out was “humor.” My husband and I decided that if we didn’t maintain some type of normalcy with humor during the process then we were going to go off the deep end. Humor is a great ice-breaker during a stressful situation. Humor can calm most tears and humor keeps your head above water.
When I read Laura Weisskopf Bleill’s post about the funny things people say to you about pregnancy, I thought that we should do the same for adoption!
Here are a few of mine:
“Where is the Mom?”
Me: “I am the Mom.”
“Aren’t you scared the parents are going to come get the baby?”
Me: “You shouldn’t watch so many Lifetime movies!”
“Wow! You look great after having a baby!”
Me: “Yeah, I just have 10 lbs. Of cookie dough to lose from stress eating.”
“He looks just like you!”
Me: “Thanks. I love him all the way from here to the moon and back!”
OK, adoptive parents, what are you some of your greatest humor moments?
As a resident of Champaign since 1992, Lisa Frerichs finds herself dreaming of tropical islands where she can soak up plenty of Vitamin D during the winter months. She is happily married to Jeff the Dentist, who loves going to work everyday, and sons, Matthew, 9, and Michael, 6. When she is not volunteering at school, church or making her weekly Target trip for mostly unnecessary items, she’s doing “mom” stuff, playing with the kiddos, reading or cooking.
While checking out at a local store, our two-week old daughter was snuggled in tight in her car seat (it was mid-March and actually cold!). You could only see her dark, dark hair and big brown eyes. My blonde hair, blue eyes must have throw the cashier for a loop, because before even saying “Hi!” or “Did you find everything ok today”, she immediately said, and I quote: “Is she yours? She sure don’t look like you!” I was baffled (and laughed) at the sheer social ineptitude of this woman. She had no idea of course that our child was adopted, or anything, but still. The other doozy is when people throw in their two cents about the birth mom by saying “she should be sterilized”. I find myself going all mama bear on behalf of the woman who gave us the greatest joys of our lives.
I *love* the Lifetime movie response. My aunt & uncle on both sides (each of my parents only have one sibling) each have both adopted and biological children. They were all just my cousins, growing up. I don’t know what sort of questions they used to get, but I can imagine now that I hear what people ask strangers, especially when the kids were little. People just need to learn to put a filter on their mouths. Curiosity doesn’t give you license to ask any question you like.
My sister an I are both adoptive different birth parents and people always tell us how much we look alike we always laugh and say its in the genes!
we love seeing pictures of the boys when we visit the dentist!
love this! funny thing is, he DOES look like you; he’s beautiful!
Thanks M! He fits right in too! Funny, crazy antics and too many boys in this house!
Lisa,
We’ve met at Taekwondo and I truly underestimated your spunk and verve. Way to go! I too have both adopted children and a biological child and the questions are often hilarious. “Are they “really siblings” is my favorite. Of course they are. Just come over any Saturday afternoon and be the fly on the wall…
The funniest things for me tend to come from my darling 5 yea old niece. She believes that my adopted son came from the pound. No one told her this but she knows that if a dog does not have a home they live at the pound. When I was fostering my son we told her that he was staying with me because his mommy was sick and could not care for him. At the time we did not think we would be able to adopt him. Now that I have she is a little confused. She also frequently asks her mommy to explain how I could possibly love my kids the same because only one of them was in my belly. In her mind her mommy will always love her because she was in her belly.
As far as the rude adults we have been pretty lucky so far but people really just do not think about what they say before they speak. Even people I am close with will make little comments without thinking. A work friend the other day made the comment that children should be taken away from their real parents at birth and we should all be raised by strangers. This would cut down on the parents who let their children run wild because they “love” them to much to discipline them. We were talking about kicking an adult child out of the home for breaking serious household rules.
Strangers have asked if our biological son was adopted because our daughter, who we adopted from S. Korea, is obviously adopted. Why is it strange for us to have biological and adopted children? I am incredibly blessed to have gotten to experience both. No one should ever say anything bad about birth parents because they gave us the best gift imaginable. Adoption is WONDERFUL!!!