Editor’s Note: This is the second of a two-part series about maintaining a father-child bond after divorce.
By Sean McDevitt
All of these “Fun Dad” things connected her to me in a way unlike the connection she has with her mother. Fun Dad was also “Serious Dad” and “Confidant Dad.” Some of the best moments in our relationship came on the interstate driving back to Champaign when she quietly uttered the words, “Don’t tell Mom, but …” What followed usually involved her transition from private school to middle school.
Sean McDevitt and daughter Kaitlyn are learning from each other as Sean takes on the role of a divorced father. Credit: Sean McDevitt
One of the most endearing qualities of my daughter is her sensitivity and empathy. Bullies targeted her. She didn’t understand. I did my best to help her toughen up and avoid those kinds of confrontations. I couldn’t fight her battles for her, but I could be in her corner and that was all she wanted. She needed her Dad. I was happy to be there.
Nearly at the same time as her transition to middle school, her mother remarried and started a new family. In short order, Kaitlyn was now the oldest of four children: herself, two girls and a boy. She was also the only one with a different last name in the household. I think going from just her and Mom to her and Mom and this new guy and then three more was as jolting as you might expect.
To her credit, she rolled with the changes far better than I think I would have in the same situation. She stepped in to help her mother whenever she could from bath time to reading stories. However, I’m still convinced one of the greatest pregnancy deterrents for a teenager is to have younger siblings she has to help take care of.
After all this time raising and teaching her to the best of my ability as a single dad, she eventually taught me something. I had been constantly referring to her sisters and brother as her half-siblings and never noticed the slight cringe every time I said it. It took my girlfriend, herself a product of a blended family, to notice how it was affecting Kaitlyn. So on one of those drives back to Mattoon, I told Kaitlyn how it occurred to me that I was actually offending her when I called her sisters and brother half-siblings. I saw how they weren’t half anything, but simply her brother and sisters. I admit I might have “had something in my eye” and I know her eyes were watering as well.
This past summer, we made a return trip to Great America. Toward the end of the day, which included riding four roller coasters in thirty minutes, I asked if she was having a good time. She responded with, “Oh, yeah.” I asked her what made it so fun and she answered, “Because it’s just you and me.”
As a divorced dad, I get to be “Fun Dad” more often than not. Of course, that might change when she moves in with me in a couple of years as she gets her requirements out of the way at Parkland before moving on to pharmacy school. Nah, “Fun Dad” is here to stay. I doubt Kaitlyn would have it any other way. Besides, her lightsaber skills now rival my own.
Sean McDevitt is a copywriter for Horizon Hobby, and has 15 years of marketing and promotional experience. He is the divorced dad to one daughter, and no, you can’t date her. He lives in Champaign, where he writes on his own blog, blog.seanmcdevitt.com, roots for Illinois basketball and continues to look for his next big adventure.
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