Would You Reveal Your Baby’s Gender … With Baked Goods?

by Amy L. Hatch

There are lots and lots of opinions out there about revealing your baby’s gender — or even finding out whether you’re having a boy or girl — when you’re pregnant.

Some people are purists, and they wait for that moment when the doctor takes a peek at the goods and announces to one and all present, “It’s a girl!” or “It’s a boy!”

Some people are secret-keepers. They find out the gender with the 20-week sonogram, but they don’t tell anyone. They play it close to the vest and surprise everyone — except themselves — on the big day.

Then there are the blabbers. They can’t wait to find out what flavor they’re getting and they announce it to one and all (and maybe Twitter) the minute that kid lets the tech get the money shot.

We were blabbers. We couldn’t help it, we were so excited. Especially when we found out that our first was going to be a girl. My dad was in the final stages of cancer, and I am so glad we told him he was having a granddaughter and what her name was going to be, because he never met her.

Everyone has their reasons for how they deal with this modern pregnancy dilemma, be they emotional, sentimental, practical (so much easier to shop!) or even religious.

But even I have to draw the line at revealing your kid’s gender with … wait for it … a cake.

I saw this latest trend (fad? craze? sign of the apocalypse?) on Twitter, and I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Yes, my friends, if you weren’t sure how to break the big news to your family and friends, you can have a Baby Gender Reveal Cake Party!

Here’s how they do it: Parents-to-be ask their sono tech to hand them an envelope with the baby’s gender inside. The parents, in turn, hand the envelope to their neighborhood baker. The baker looks in the envelope and bakes a cake, which is tinted either pink or blue.

When mom and dad cut into the confection, all is revealed for one and all to see. Like this:

Seriously, who does this?

Not to judge (oh, hell, I’m judging, whatever), but this takes the current cult of parenting narcissism to a whole new level. Gathering 50 of your closest pals to find out what color you should paint the nursery strikes me as a pretty big leap to make about how many people really give a hoot about your kid’s gender.

I mean, I get that grandma might be pretty psyched. But your neighbor? Not so much.

And let’s examine for a moment, shall we, what happens when that food coloring isn’t the tint you’d hoped for. When we had our second child, I was convinced we were having another girl. That initial shock of seeing boy parts on that screen isn’t something I’d want to share with anyone besides my husband.

And I definitely would not want it recorded and posted on YouTube for posterity.

There are so many private moments that we already share. The lure of posting exciting news — no matter how personal — on Facebook or Twitter can be irrestistible. Pregnancy and birth are custom-made for social media. I mean, we all feel like we’re the first people to ever do it, right? Even when we do it more than once.

It’s fun. It feels good to be the center of attention sometimes. We love our babies and we’re beyond excited about introducing them to the world.

Their big entrance deserves a to be a little more dignified, don’t you think?

Amy L. Hatch is a co-founder and editor of chambanamoms.com, and she does really love cake. She can be reached at amy@chambanamoms.com.

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  1. I saw this in my Food Network magazine, they didn’t mention a party just a surprise cake for the parents. I thought it was kind of a neat idea, but it could have just been because the cake looked so good! :) I don’t think I could keep myslef from peeking in the envelope before dropping it off at the bakery…

  2. Jessica K. says:

    Thank you, Amy, for a little dose of humor this morning! 😉

  3. I’m with Rachel – because of my selfish love of baked goods, I would do this as a family thing. There is no wrong occasion for cake. But if I invited 50 of my closest pals? Yeah, then you’d have permission to smack some sense into me. Honestly, though, if we ever had a second we’d probably just find out at the ultrasound and then go out for brownies.

  4. Actually I think it could be kind of neat depending on how you do it. My cousin is planning on doing this for her baby shower. She’ll pass the envelope to her mom who will be planing the shower and all the guests will know. My cousin will find out the gender from all of her closest female relatives and friends. I think that is a little more personal and fun than finding out with just your sonogram tech… But this is her 1st and I think she and her husband will be equally happy with either gender. I just hope one of the gusts doesn’t let the cat out of the bag before the shower!

  5. I’m all finding out the sex in advance, but the whole Find Out While Throwing A Party idea strikes me as just shy of insane. Why? Let me count the slices. First, does anyone care as much as the parents? Why not share that moment together, just the two of you. Second, what if you (or your family) was really hoping you were having either a boy or girl? Given the current mania to record everything, your child might eventually stumble upon proof that you wish they’d been something entirely different. Third, there are so many events with a baby (showers, birth, christening) that i think you run the risk of Baby Fatigue . And that’s for friends who aren’t suffering from infertility (keep in mind you don’t always know who these friends are, as people can have just as much trouble having a second baby as a first) Family, not so much, but if you’re the first one having kids your relatives might still be in the “do I have to spend my Saturday afternoon for THIS?” mode.

  6. Ellabella says:

    On Thursday we find out the gender of our third child. I think it might be a cute idea to make pink or blue cupcakes for my older two, but a party for all our friends?? If you missed the part about how I have two older kids and I’m pregnant… yeah, I don’t have the energy to make a fancy cake, get the house spotless, and invite 50 people over. I thought it was weird when people watched us cut into the cake at our wedding. I mean, it’s really not that exciting to watch someone else cut a cake and eat it.

    We will be blabbers. My husband wanted to keep a secret, but my pregnant brain can’t avoid gendered pronouns once I know if it’s a boy or a girl. So, we’ll send our family a text message and then post it on Facebook and call it a day.

    Now I have a craving for cake.

  7. My cousin just had one of these parties with close friends and family this weekend. She lives in another state, so I was not able to attend. But I did enjoy seeing pictures of their chocolate cake with a layer of blue inside. :-) My cousin is 25 and this is her first baby–they would have been happy with either gender. And I was not surprised she was throwing a little party for this — she throws parties for everything! She has had a lot of loss in her life, including losing her father and best friend when she was only a teenager. I think she likes to celebrate every precious moment. And frankly, while it isn’t my personal style, I think it sounds a lot more fun than finding out the gender of your baby from some stranger in a cold sonogram room. She is going to be a fantastic mom, and in no way is a “narcissist”–nor does this make her baby boy’s entry into the world “less dignified.” And I’ll be honest with you here. While I am a big fan of chambanamoms (particularly the wannabe mom, and other blogs), the caustic negative tone in this and some other recent posts has been a real turn off….ugh.

    • ps. It says on the utube info that the couple in the video only invited family. So where are you getting the” “50 person party” “make all the neighbors come”, etc thing from??

      • Christine says:

        I agree . . . enough with negative tone. I thought this webste was about supporting Moms and being non-judgemental.

  8. I think it’s actually kind of cute! There are lots of people who want to share in the joy of “finding out” with the parents. If someone doesn’t want to come, then they don’t have to. They can always make an excuse. I think this is more about finding an excuse for throwing a party than anything. If someone isn’t ok with having a certain gender, well, then this isn’t for them. But if they will be happy either way, I think it’s great! I would definitely do it IF (and that’s a really big if) I could wait and not peek in the envelope.

  9. Jacqueline says:

    I think this sounds rather fun actually. From what I can tell their party was for their close family so really, what’s so excessive or worthy of judgement here? They had fun, they didn’t hold anyone at gunpoint and force them to come enjoy cake, good company, and a fun little surprise. Can we all try together to leave off the judging of other parents for things that just aren’t a big deal? Sometimes it feels like we’re “just having fun” by judging others or blowing off steam but then we turn around and get sensitive when other “just kid around” about a parenting choice that we made. Parenting is hard work and you often feel judged for your every twitch as a parent, and I am glad to see others saying here that they’d love to see us all strive to leave out the unnecessary and divisive judging. I love C-U Moms and the work you guys do, I just don’t want to see mommy-to-be-bashing, even in jest. If I were going to have another baby I just might actually do this – what’s wrong with making the reveal fun and a touch magical for yourself and those close to you who want to participate? A few other quick things: 1) we told our loved ones as soon as we had the ultrasound and to us it wasn’t blabbing or shopping convenience – for us knowing the gender and picking the name as early as possible helped us form a sense of bond with our child and we loved sharing that joy with others. If that’s not your cup of tea I completely support and respect you doing it how you wish. And some of us are thrilled no matter what the gender, so the reveal is just a bit of fun, not something that is going to cause any kind of public angst.