By Michelle Rice
At what point do mothers master the balancing act? I’ve been a mom for two and a half years and I’m nowhere near figuring it out. In fact, most of the time I feel as though I’m being pulled in a million different directions. I may have some people fooled, but the neverending to-do list is always clouding my mind.
The tasks mothers do, or wish they could find time to do, each day are staggering: washing and feeding everyone (which seems to take up an overwhelming majority of my time), housework, yard work, paperwork, professional work, familial obligations, playing with the kids, being a wife, exercising, keeping somewhat abreast of the daily news, personal downtime, and the list goes on.
Some women seem to have it all together. Have they found the perfect balance or is it a successful charade? I used to be a fairly organized person, but running a household with two kids has put me to the test. That said, I’ve never had more energy than I do now. I’m chalking that up to necessity since, unfortunately, the dishes won’t get done as I sleep. If I had three wishes I would make the genie do the cleaning, laundry, and paperwork. Then I might be able to get a larger project done, like organizing the boxes of photos I have stashed away or washing the windows that have been neglected for far too long.
My husband does help out immensely. I would say the division of labor in our household is fairly equal. Even so, between him and me, our efforts are never enough; we never seem to be caught up. If only Oprah would send me her personal chef, personal assistant, and housekeeper until the kids are out of high school. Then I would be able to spend more quality time with my family without feeling guilty about falling behind on my daily chores. It’s no wonder celebrities always look fabulous – they have someone else to take care of their mundane tasks.
Will we ever solve the balancing act of motherhood? (Photo by House of Sims on flickr)
I often think about my grandmothers and how they made due, because their lives were much harder than mine. They all have terrifying stories of what their lives were like when they started a family. I’m not sure I would have survived. For example, one of my great-grandmothers had eight children. She was expected to raise upstanding children, keep the house spotless, cook three square meals a day (i.e. make sausage and eggs for breakfast; take a fried chicken and mashed potato lunch out to the field; and serve roast, homemade biscuits, vegetables, and pie for dinner – all with no running water!), hand-wash the clothes, and help in the field as needed. You may think I’m exaggerating, but I’m not. She was an amazing woman.
Thinking about her makes me wonder why I can’t better balance my daily schedule. Perhaps she felt the same way as me after her second baby but she became more adept because she had to. Or maybe I should harness her focus and drive and cut out all the distractions in my day (even though I swear a little TV or web browsing saves my sanity). I know it’s only going to get worse as the girls get older and become involved with activities. Then again, it may become easier since they will then be old enough to help out around the house.
So where’s the balance? When will the guilt subside? Will I ever figure this out? My guess is it will happen when they go to college. However, in the meantime, maybe all I need to do is cut myself some slack. I’m a great mom, my marriage is strong, we all look neat and tidy in public (most of the time), my house is under control, I have a wonderful extended family, and I have a fun job.
Am I being too demanding to want my life to feel more like a Merry-Go-Round than a Tilt-a-Whirl? I don’t think so. I just need to find my true balance.
Moms out there – Do you have any tips to share on how you make the most of your time?
Michelle Rice recently had her second child, making her the proud mother of two girls. Once obsessed with politics (she was a fundraiser in Washington, D.C.), she now obsesses over diapers and Dora. She is a communications specialist for the University of Illinois, and enjoys living in C-U because of its proximity to family and its benefits as a diverse college town.
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I think that having young young kids is the hardest time in a woman’s life. So much is demanded of you, physically and emotionally, that most of us can only barely keep it together. Anyone who convinces you otherwise is lying or has paid help. The mere fact that you are “a great mom, my marriage is strong, we all look neat and tidy in public (most of the time), my house is under control, I have a wonderful extended family, and I have a fun job.”
Heck, I’d say that you sounds like one of those women who have it all together. I’m pretty sure that no one notices your windows or stack of photos.
Erin,
Thank you. Your comment felt like a hug and gives me added confidence and energy to keep it up and take time to enjoy my life instead of stressing about the little things. Cheers!