by Laura Weisskopf Bleill
Most of you know by now the devastating loss suffered by our dear friend, the Wannabe Mom. As many of you expressed in the comments of her heartbreaking essay, she is not alone.
But there is probably nothing more isolating than losing a baby, no matter how many weeks or months into a pregnancy. It is especially isolating in the first trimester, when the medical field in particular pooh-poohs such losses as — one such very non-medical term I’ve read — “meant to be.” A miscarriage combined with the heartache and stress during the rollercoaster that is infertility is a double whammy.
Reading the Wannabe Mom’s words was akin to deja vu. And even though we don’t share the same religious background, I knew I had to send her a prayer — a Jewish prayer — that helped me through the darkest of my infertility days, and especially the ones following our own pregnancy loss.
Traditionally, the Mi Shebairach is a prayer for the sick, the dying, the infirm. In the more liberal streams of Judaism, the prayer has come to represent that and so much more — it is a call for healing, for renewal of the body and the restoration of the spirit. I listened as it was sung in the synagogue; I could feel it pounding in my chest at other times, even when I least expected it.
It helped me to pick up all the torn up pieces of my heart and soul, and inspired me to feel whole again. It helped to anchor me as part of a community, even when I drifted, so alone. It helped me return to an active role in my marriage, and ultimately gave me renewed hope to try again.
“May the One who was a source of blessing for our ancestors, bring blessings of healing upon (insert names here), a healing of body and a healing of spirit. May those in whose care they are entrusted be gifted with wisdom and skill, and those who surround them be gifted with love and trust, openness and support in their care. And may they be healed along with all those who are in need. Blessed are You, Source of healing.”
As I read the words of the Wannabe Mom that Friday, I knew what I had to do. I didn’t think she would mind if I silently added her name to the list.
I’m of the firm belief that sometimes, we all need as many prayers as we can get.
Chambanamoms.com co-founder Laura Weisskopf Bleill writes “Being a Jew in C-U,” a column about being a Jewish suburban girl in a cornfield, on Thursdays. You can reach her at laura@chambanamoms.com.
No related posts.
Laura,
Thank you so much much for this blog. We too struggled with infertility for three years before going on to have two beautiful children. Three months ago we learned that we were blessed enough to be able to add another babe to our family. Last week, after hearing our babe’s heart beat twice, I sat on the cold sono table and heard the absence of that heart beat, and today I go in for surgery to remove “fetal tissue” (our baby).
While I try to focus on the explanation “in almost all cases such as this, something was wrong with the baby,” that doesn’t take away from the loss. However, it is so comforting to know I’m not alone on this journey.
Impeccable timing. Thanks for your words.
Wow, Laura and Lindsay. Sometimes timing does seem meant to be. I will be thinking about both of you today. The Mi Sheberaich does help, for me, when I need it. Just remembering that I’m not in control, that it feels better when I let go.
Lindsay and Laura,
My heart reaches out to you and to all people who lose a child in the womb. Platitudes and explanations may help and may simultaneously be empty and painful.
I will think of you, the Wannabe Mom and all who have struggled with infertility and loss during my mi shebeirach prayers each day.
L’shalom,
Towards peace.