by The Wannabe Mom
My mom bought me a Cabbage Patch doll. It was a preemie doll I had been eyeing for weeks, and she came with a tiny blanket and a Certificate of Adoption.
I can still smell her plastic-baby-powder smell. That morning before my “My Little Pony” theme party, my mom explained the concept of adoption to me. She did a beautiful job and I’ve always carried that lesson–and all her lessons–with me as I travel along my way.
Adoption isn't as easy as taking a stroll through the cabbage patch. Photo by Paper Cat, Flickr
Lately I’ve come to the realization that I may not birth my own children. I’m at peace with that. I know there are plenty of children out there who need a safe, loving home. And, we have that home to share.
This weekend my hubby and I sat down and chatted — long and hard — about what it means to be a family. We came to the conclusion that a family is a family, and it doesn’t matter to us if our children share our DNA. A lot of you have asked and I’m here to tell you that we are very open to adoption.
This weekend I admitted to my hubby that I only have six months of fertility treatments left in me. Then, I’m done. I don’t have the strength to put myself — or my hubby — through any more of what we’ve been through these past 17 months. Even if we do conceive, I can’t go through what we’ve been through thus far to conceive our second child.
Since we want more than one child I know we need to start thinking about taking another path to parenthood. If it were as easy as strolling down to a patch of cabbage and picking a baby, signing a Certificate of Adoption and going on our merry way, I’d have a houseful of kids right now. But I know it’s not that easy. I understand this path to parenthood may be a rockier road than our infertility struggle.
I don’t know where to start. I’ve researched adoption online, but the only local adoption contacts I find are the names of adoption attorneys in Chambana. I don’t know any families who have adopted. I don’t know the costs involved either.
So, tell me all about it! Many of you have suggested I adopt — I need your help and advice. I know there are other wannabe moms out there wearing these uncomfortable-infertility-peep-toe-pumps that would appreciate a little insight into adoption, too. Your comments will be my blog post this week — and a very special blog post it is.
The Wannabe Mom has been trying to conceive for more than a year and was recently diagnosed with unexplained infertility. She and her husband live and work in Champaign, and they desperately want to drive a Toyota Sienna minivan someday. We’ll be following her journey, so buckle up and get ready to cry with her — and cheer her on, too.
No related posts.
I am a birth Mother who gave a child up for adoption when I was 15. The Parents I chose couldn’t have children either and after hearing their struggles, I knew giving them my Daughter who I was too young to raise and couldn’t provide for was the right thing to do. That was 14 years ago and I have what is called an open adoption. My Daughter has been told from the very start that she was adopted and that I loved her. My 10 year old Daughter and her are very close, they email and call frequently and in fact, she was just here for a week to attend my Daughters 5th grade graduation. Adoption is such a wonderful thing!! I worked with an adoption agency and they did all of the work for me really. They asked me some questions about who I envisioned adopting my child, did I want her to be local or out of state, did race matter, etc. Kind of like an interview. Then they gave me a bunch of files of prospective adoptive Parents to look through. Each couple who was looking to adopt a child put together a little booklet of their lives. Some incluced pics of their house, their families, what they do for fun, etc. It was nice to see those things, it took away some of my stress. I still to this day have the book her Adoptive Parents put together. We looked at it a few weeks ago.
) After I picked the couple I felt in my heart was right we set up a meeting. I walked in to that room and just felt the love, it was surreal. I knew in my heart I had made the right choice and I then allowed them to meet my Oldest Daughter…soon to be their Oldest Daughter.
Adoption isn’t for everyone. Some Birth Parents and Adoptive Parents are comfortable with open adoptions. At first, mine wasn’t as open as it is now. I would get letters and pics every month, sometimes a few times a month. Then we arranged to meet up and the rest is history. They are a part of my family and she even calls my Parents Grandma and Grandpa.
As a Birth Mom, I would encourage you to establish a kind of open adoption that you and your Husband are comfortable with. Giving up a child is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life and recieving the letters and pictures often helped soothe some of the heartache. It still felt like I was a part of her life and it reassured me that she was ok.
I’ve been praying that you’d concieve for awhile now, but now I’ll be praying that you’ll be blessed with a child either biologically or through adoption. Good things happen to good people, I can’t wait for the blog telling all the rest of us Chambana Moms that you’re a Mother now!
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E-mail me!!!! We are parents who had one biological child and were unable to conceive again so we adopted! It turned out to be the most wonderful experience and our life couldn’t be more fulfilled. We couldn’t have done it without the knowledge and support from other friend who had gone through the process. It can be one of scariest things you have ever done, but I can promise you that in the end, it will be worth every second you spent worrying. jlfrerichs@comcast.net
Someone I work with adopted several children through Catholic Charities. I think there is also an adoption support group in town you could contact to talk to other parents.
Our cousins have adopted all six of their children. They just adopted 2 more from Ethiopia this past year. Here is a their blog if you want to check it out!
http://www.fillingthequiver.blogspot.com/
Hi, I have loved following this series and i can relate to you… it took us 22 months of trying to conceive… and we had some major fertility problems which we believe God healed in us! Praying for you.
Also, on adoption, I have found that reading others’ blogs is the most helpful. Hopefully the following posts can lead you to some good info:
http://indiansandpirates.blogspot.com/2010/05/finding-your-part-in-their-story-week-7.html
http://simplemom.net/adoption-lessons-learned/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+simplemom+%28Simple+Mom%29
Dearest TWB,
Everyone has a story–hats off for choosing to share yours in such a public place. Because. It. Is. Hard.
The first thing I learned about adoption from my SW is that adoption is a great thing but it comes from loss. The first parents’ loss of a child by choosing not to parent. The adoptive parents’ loss of biological children which may or may not be by choice. And the child’s loss of every thing he/she has ever known.
Adoption isn’t about saving the world, or saving a child, or fulfilling a mission, or even following religious teachings. Adoption is simply about forming a family. Dictionary.com offers the following:
1.To take into one’s family through legal means and raise as one’s own child.
2. a.To take and follow (a course of action, for example) by choice or assent.
b.To take up and make one’s own.
3.To take on or assume.
4.To vote to accept.
5.To choose as standard or required in a course.
All those meanings using “to take” leave me feeling a little like I did something wrong. But it helps me understand society’s perceptions of adoption a little better. Many well-meaning people who we love and love us often offer infertile people the “well, you can just adopt” advice. If only…
Adoption isn’t second best. And it isn’t a second choice. But it can be a second chance. Your children are YOUR children no matter how they come to you. And they will be “your own.”
I’ve been a mom through biology for over 13 years and mom through adoption for nearly 7 years. I’ve had 5 miscarriages–between 10-17 weeks gestation. Adoption is absolutely the best thing that happened to our family. It was hard to get there. It was worth every excruciating step of the journey. It was worth every tear. Every D&C. Every baby shower that I skipped because I couldn’t deal with someone else’s happiness. It was worth the loss because the gain, oh the gain. The gain is swinging in the backyard and I get to tuck it in every night.
I’m so glad you are exploring adoption.
Please get my email (which I typed in above)–from The Editors and contact me if you want to know more.
XO,
K.
Hello! My husband and I are currently working through the process of adopting. We are going through Catholic Charities. They are located over behind the Sam’s Club building. They have been great to work with! We are also part of the adoption support group they organize. The group meets once a month on various days (usually Tuesday evening) and covering various topics. The Champaign office number is (217) 352-5179 and Jamie Hadady is the adoption case worker here in town. If you want more info or want more of our story please feel free to email me. We can even meet up for coffee or ice cream or something if you would like.
God Bless,
Liza
Hello. I was reading your story and although I am not going through what you are and can not fully understand the process I can understand the desire for having children. I hear everyone speaking of adoption, which is a beautiful gift but have your every though about doing through egg donators. I’m not sure the specifics of your situation but if you want to experience carrying your child there is an option. I have looked into becoming an egg donor that is why I know a little about this. Again, Im not sure how taxing it is on the recipient only the donor. You can look up egg donors for Illinois and navigate from there. Just another alternative to adoption. Hope this helped and good luck with you journey to creating your family.
Peace and serenity
Allyson
My partner and I adopted our two beautiful children (happen to be bio siblings) through private adoptions with the help of the amazing Champaign adoption attorney Ellyn Bullock. We were able to meet both of our babies at less than 24 hours old, and bring them home from the hospital. I understand the heartache that you’ve experienced through infertility. I’ve been there. You never forget, but the pain becomes so much less important when you’re holding your child(ren) in your arms. If you want to ask me any questions, I’d be happy to answer. Just drop me an email. Best wishes.