Photo by Pink Sherbet Photography on flickr
by Jennifer Newell
Most days I’m glad that there aren’t cameras in my house. It’s not because my kids are loud or the bathrooms need cleaning — it’s because I have many moments as a mom where I’m just not that pretty.
I’m not talking about showering and putting on clean clothes – I’m talking about the moments as a mom where every little thing is about to push you over the edge. It usually starts after lunchtime when I’m just plain tired. This is the scene at my house: Maggie starts whining, I remind her that I don’t listen to any type of whining and then we get into an argument over absolutely nothing, but I have to “win” so it’s a shuffle between time-outs for disrespect and a screaming almost 3-year-old. All while, Sebastian continues to either try to climb the stairs or eat the cat food. I seem to have exhausted every possible way of saying, “No! Don’t eat the cat food.”
My patience runs out — I keep pacing the house trying to come up with quiet activities to enjoy before naptime, but also keep staring at the clock hoping 2 o’clock comes faster. Oh how I love naptime! Then, the bedtime routine starts and I just try to push through it so I can go sit down for five minutes without someone needing or touching me.
What usually happens next is not what I would have expected in my pre-mom life. I feel guilty. I know that the frustration I feel with my kid’s behavior is mostly because of some selfish desire to get “more important” things done or relax. I don’t really care if Maggie takes her nap in a tutu or if Sebastian needs to be rocked for 1 more minute. So why do I make a big deal about it? These are the moments that I’m going to miss someday and I should try and enjoy every part of the day — even the ugly ones.
This sense of guilt and balance of running a household (being wife, mom & me) can be overwhelming. However, at the end of the day the thing that keeps me going are the moments where I wish the cameras were rolling — the desire for “one more kiss mommy” or hearing “mommy, I love you SO much” or even a sweet little baby boy kissing/eating my face. All of these moments outweigh the not-so-pretty moments of being a mom and really make this experience an adventure that I wouldn’t want to miss.
Jennifer Newell
Jennifer Newell is an occasional contributor to chambanamoms. com, and also runs Bella Bambini, a children’s boutique in Champaign. If you are interested in submitting an essay for our “Mom to Mom” series, please contact us.
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I put our cat food up on a rolling kitchen cart for several years. It’s on the floor again now, but with a brand new crawler, it’s sure to find a new home up high very soon.
Thanks for the reminder Jennifer of what is really important (kisses and the mommy I love you moments) and that there really isn’t a “mommy of the year award” at the end!
In our kids eyes, we would all win anyway, right?!