Coping When One Parent Travels

By Amy L. Hatch

There’s nothing quite like a business trip to upset the delicate balance of a family’s ecosystem, but there are ways to cope when mom or dad leaves the family behind for a few days.

Belinda Taylor’s husband travels for business at least two or three days a week, and she’s a pro at making sure everything stays on track when dad is away. She finds that sticking to her routine helps her and and her two daughters, Maggie, 13, and Rose, 11.

“We stick to the routine as much as possible because both girls have numerous extra curricular activities,” the Urbana mom says. “When I’m solo parenting, I do tend to let dinner slide. We do a lot more takeout and eating out when I’m parenting solo.”

Ricki Bander is a California-based life coach who specializes in helping medical professionals, female executives and their families achieve work/life balance, and she says Taylor’s strategy is right on the money. Keep the basic routine but make room for adjustments, she says.

“You need to be careful to strike a balance,” Bander tells chamabanamoms.com. “It’s OK to soften up a little, but make sure to talk about it with the kids so they know that they still have the same responsibilities that they do when dad is away.”

Bander works with families and couples who deal with a traveling spouse or one who is required to spend a lot of time away due to their job responsibilities, such as doctors or law students.

She says negotiation on the part of the traveling or absent parent is another important part of the equation for families. Sometimes, she says, the parent who is on the road doesn’t feel comfortable telling his or her employer that they need to make time to communicate with the home team.

However, asking for time to call the family before a dinner meeting or during the work day is well within their rights, she adds.

That nightly phone call can make all the difference to the child or spouse left behind. What else can help moms and dads left to mind the home-front? A strong support system of friends who can meet for potluck dinners and offer an extra hand if needed, as well as taking advantage of technology, Bander says.

Got an Internet connection and a Web-cam? Try Skype, a free service that allows video and audio calls over the Internet. Real-world example: My son can’t rest until he says goodnight to his dad, who travels once a month for his job. We connect by Skype and daddy blows kisses from the computer screen.

Making sure to schedule that time is important not just for the kids, but for mom and dad, too. A lot of traveling can wreak havoc on a marriage, and making time for each other is part of ensuring that doesn’t happen.

Bander suggests taking the family along if one spouse plans on taking an extended business trip, and she also encourages those whose professions keep them from their families — think medical students — to meet for dinner or lunch as often as they can.

The person who is away also suffers, she adds, and reminds mom or dad to tuck a family photo in his or her suitcase. The one left behind can help, too, by slipping little notes into a suitcase or calling the hotel and arranging for a surprise to greet them.

I’m leaving Thursday for the first business I’ve taken since 2003. I’m going to miss my family like crazy, but I know that they’ll be in good hands with their dad. And I’ll be spending a lot of time blowing kisses on Skype.

How do you cope when your spouse travels?

Related posts:

1. Being a Jew in C-U: The Kosher Thanksgiving (and other anomalies)
2. Tips for Traveling With Toddlers
3. Should Happy Meal Toys Be Banned?
4. From There to Here: Vacation Rehab