By Jennifer Newell
I’ve been in love twice.
The first time was full of firsts. I was young and just starting to figure out what I wanted to date and how to be romantic. I met him when we were twelve. I was taller than he was and there was zero electricity. I had no idea that he was going to be one of the loves of my life. We were friends for many years. He came to every basketball game I played in and I kissed all of his friends- we weren’t
Jennifer Newell
exactly destined to date.
Our senior year in high school, everything changed. I realized that if I was going to date someone, I should probably date someone who I actually liked spending time with (take note, anyone who is dating).
We spent every waking moment together and ultimately were best friends. At the end of high school we decided that we should try to make it and continue our relationship long distance. I’m sure you know how this ends, but let me fill in the gaps. Freshman year equaled two trips to New England, many tearful phone calls and the plea to move home. He did. He moved home for me.
Four months later, I broke it off.
I don’t really remember breaking it off — I just remember getting out of the car and it being over. It was awkward losing my best friend over knowing that I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life with him, but I was young and just wanted to have fun. I had no idea that I would mourn this loss for quite some time.
The second time I fell in love it was full of passion. He (now my awesome husband) was the hottest thing that I had ever encountered and he thought that I was kind of cute. We had an intense relationship quickly, but I think we were both reserved in making any sort of commitments. As time went on I think we both grew up and the best part was that we grew up together.
Nine years later I can say that the love that I have for Ben, my husband, is quite different from the love I felt so many years ago. I think that the loss of anyone’s first love is heartbreaking, but the more I mourned it, I realized that I was grieving the loss of my innocence and the romantic ideas that I had about life.
The love that I have with Ben is realistic and sometimes romantic. It’s the kind of love that can think you’re great when you haven’t slept and look like death or still likes you when you are grumpy or gets excited over the small things like cleaning the bathroom. It’s real, it’s honest and it’s the type of thing that goes the distance.
On Valentine’s Day I’m often confronted with all of my choices I’ve made about love in my life. I know without hesitation that I chose the most wonderful husband for me and he’s a fantastic father to our kids. And for all of those memories of love lost — my firsts were easily replaced with memories that will last a lifetime.
Jennifer Newell is an occasional contributor to chambanamoms. com, and also runs Bella Bambini, a children’s boutique in Champaign. If you are interested in submitting an essay for our “Mom to Mom” series, please contact us.
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